Love Whispers Softly

I took an EFT course about 3 years back and for the first year I barely even used it. I guess the course came under the name of "Energy Psychotherapy" and I thought that sounded interesting and like energy work ... or figuring out the energy body in an emotional way. To my surprise the course was all about tapping and accupressure combined with affirmations. I did use a little on myself at times to free myself from headaches, but I guess I didnt trust it to use on anything else and so put it away for a year.

Then one day I was giving an online client Reiki and something just told me to give it a try. Not in the normal EFT method though but in an energy way cause even Gary Craig had said just thinking of tapping on the points seemed to activate them without even tapping on them physically (had watched some of his DVD seminars including one on using the mind to bend spoons).

I didnt even ask the person to tap on their own meridian points. I merely used my right hand to do the tapping on her body which I was visualizing infront of me. I then used my left hand to send the reiki (into a pillow I used as a surrogate for her body since she is not in person). To my shock she could feel what I was doing. She said she felt me "doing something" on the "right side" of her face (most of the EFT points are on the face and I was visualizing tapping the points on the right side) and her anxiety/depression was lifting. I tried it again online with someone who came to me with more than one issue and I was again shocked when I got the same great results and her actually feeling where I was "tapping".

Another thing I noticed were that my hands were getting much hotter when using the reiki. So hot infact, that a couple of time there was crackling on the phone and I was worried I was going to lose connection. I had heard of this happening before with energy workers, but had never experienced it. What I think was going on was that I was using muscle testing to test for "psychological reversals" (see my blogs on EFT), using the EFT to clear them while channeling the reiki over a body point or chakra (again, I use a pillow or teddy bear to represent the body), and somehow clearing blocks, the Reiki would just start to flow more strongly. Or else its "borrowing benefits" (when you do EFT on another it can sometimes clear you as well).

Amazing things have happened. Not with everyone, but I am shocked how many will respond extremely positively. Some have even said "wow" over and over or "I cant believe this". A headache will lift, pain will recede or anxiety will calm. Have had one women with public speaking and microphone phobias come back after giving a presentation and say a ten minute session cured her. All I know is when I did simply Reiki on its own I never had such results.

Am just curious if this reading emailed to me (unsolicited) is a mass email solicitation.. 

I SEE YOU EXPERIENCING MORE MENTAL PICTURES IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WILL BE FINDING MORE ABOUT YOURSELF AS YOUR GETTING YOUR MENTAL PICTURES I SEE YOU GETTING MORE IN TUNE WITH THE SPIRIT MAKE SURE THE ROOM IS CLEAR. YOU NEED A WHITE AND YELLOW CANDLE I SEE THE SPIRIT MOVING FOR YOU. THE TWO CANDLES ARE THE GATE THAT WILL ALLOW THE SPIRIT ENTER INTO YOUR ROOM. THE SPIRIT SHALL SHOW YOU MUCH ABOUT YOUR FUTURE. ALONG WITH THE SPIRIT SHOWING YOU THE FUTURE THAT AWAITS YOU THE SPIRIT WILL ALSO GUIDE YOU ALONG THIS QUEST THAT YOU WILL UNDERTAKE. THE SPIRIT WILL GUIDE YOU TO LOVE THAT WILL MAKE YOU ETERNALLY HAPPY ALONG WITH LOVE THE SPIRIT WILL GUIDE YOU TO A GOOD SUM OF MONEY THAT WILL HELP YOU AND YOUR LOVER GET ALONG IN LIFE THAT COULD LEAD TO THE FAMILY THAT YOU HAVE BEEN LONGING FOR. LIFE WILL BE EASY WITH THE COMPANY OF YOUR LOVER AND WILL ALLOW YOU TO SEE SO MUCH MORE IN PERSPECTIVE. AFTER THIS TIME YOU SPIRIT WILL SEE THAT HE HAS LED YOU TO THE PERSON THAT WILL GUIDE YOU THROUGH TIME SO YOU SPIRIT WILL KNOW HIS JOB IS DONE ALLOWING HIM TO MOVE ON TO THE NEXT LIFE TO LIVE IN PEACE. IN THIS TIME YOU WILL DO MANY THINGS THOUGH DO NOT BE WORRIED YOU SPIRIT WILL ALWAYS LOOK AFTER YOU AND IN A TIME OF NEED HE WILL RETURN. TO GUIDE YOU TO THE NEXT PART IN YOUR LIFE. IN YOUR LIFE TIME YOU WILL EXPERIENCE SO MUCH THAT YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YEARS AGO WILL BE OUT OF THE QUESTION. YOU WILL TRAVEL TO SO MANY NEW PLACES AND YOU WILL ENJOY LIFE SO MUCH AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND MANY WILL ENVY YOU FOR YOUR NEW FOUND LIFE STYLE THAT YOU YOURSELF ADMIRE.

as I sit and try to still my anxious mind,
I watch its thoughts as they are passing by,
and I think of you throughout this pensive time,
and I dont know why,
I dont know why...

'cause you don't love me and maybe never did,
and it's in all the things you never said and hid,
yet, it seems to have me want you even more,
and I dont know why,
I dont know why...

so, inside my heart I will still keep you there,
till it can find another heart to care,
'cause you're the only song that it can sing right now,
and I don't know why,
I don't know why...

I miss you,
and I don't know why...

Samantha, 2008

Based on and identifying with unrequited love addiction and clients experiences...

It depends on the dream....

Most people who dream of people they like and who take such dreams litteral have never studied dreams to know how they work. Often times, such dreams can be completely dismantled if you look up the images, actions and symbols in dream dictionaries and reread the dream symbolically. How many people have I read who dream of people over and over, but they never end up with that person? It's cause dreams don't normally work that way. Your dreams are mainly about you, your thoughts about things, your thoughts of how others feel about you (as opposed to their actual feelings), and sometimes projections of your hopes or fears etc. I dream a lot that the world is ending and that a nuclear holocaust is coming and can see the mushroom cloud of the bomb in the distance and everyone is running to find a safe place. Doesnt mean there is going to be a nuclear holocost. Usually such dreams happen at times my whole life has felt upset and it felt like my own personal "world was ending". I also dream alot I fly to the moon and live there. So, is that going to happen one day?

I think many of us dream of ex's, but it doesn't mean one is destined to end up with them or that they are feeling the same ways about us. Sometimes it does mean someone is connected to us or even a reconnection might occur. However, I think most times dreams simply reflect our mental activity and if we are strongly wanting and thinking that someone is missing us or if we think about someone a lot or if that person represents some sort of symbol then it can be less empathic or psychic connection to that person as our own psychic attachements and energies resolving themselves or acting out through dreams. And people are complex too. If you have someone who love-hates you or was hurt by you or has some other problem, they might have genuine feelings but still not be open to pursuing a relationship or reconnection.

I had a friend who was actually quite psychic, mediumistic and accurate with waking visions. With sleep though, she always felt her dreams were psychic and they rarely were. She kept waiting to meet and marry some guy who would have a vineyard because she dreamed once she married someone who had a vineyard. I dream I get married all the time and it has never happened because it was symbolic and not litteral. One dream I got married and then money rained down on me, and that dream was right when I was getting this job (which I get paid for helping people with partnerships). Weddings are VERY symbolic symbols. My friend also dreamed her ex was going to come back and kill her and her daughter had a similar dream so she thought it would happen. I read the situation for her and got no. Both simply have felt threatened by this person. Was 3 years ago and still he has never bothered her. Death was also something she always dreamed about.  She would get really upset thinking her dreams were psychic, but no one ever died. She simply cut a lot of people out of her life, had given her twin daughters up for adoption, and had disowned her family. Death in her dreams meant the ending of those relationships, irreversible loss, or wanting to be free of someone.

Back to dreaming about ex's....

I regularly dream of certain highschool friends I had even though I never think of them in waking life, but they all stand for something. I also dream quite frequently about one particular highschool friend who I was crazy inlove with but there was never a relationship. I had  a hard time talking to him let alone telling him how I felt. I always felt paranoid my feelings were so transparent, like it was the most awful thing in the world if he ever knew I cared about him. In my dreams of him, I would feel that same crush on him and we are both watching one another and the occassional word is exchanged but there is all that fear in the dreams he can tell how I feel about him and at the same time I feel he is watching me too feeling the same way and afraid to show. I never think of this person in waking life but he pops up in my dreams all the time, and the odd time in my dreams we even have sex or kiss. This has been going on for 15 years! It doesnt mean I'm gonna end up with him or even that he is thinking of me, wanting me, watching me etc. I have read the situation and no, that doesnt show. Plus, I've seen him in the last few years and he is now bald, heavy and not my type. But, in highschool he was every girls crush (which itself is a symbol, he stands for that attraction to those kinds of men). He has become a symbol and I still dream about him. He's a dream symbol pointing to a time in my life I started a pattern of loving someone at a distance and hiding it... wanting to obtain the boy who all the girls wanted.

Another reason one can dream about someone a lot, or even feel an intense connection with someone, is because of past life connection. But, remember that a past life connection does not mean you end up married or in relationship with the person you are dreaming about. It just means there is psychic debris left over and reasons why you two came into one anothers lives, to work out past karma which might include healing from unrequited love, or accepting a break up or completion of karma and moving on etc etc. Sometimes in the past life the other person was the unrequited love so you come back to experience things from their angle.

So many people i read think just because they dream or feel someones energy or have karma or strong feelings it means you're supposed to end up together or that it must be true that their love object is obsessing on them. People ask, "then why do I feel him all the time?" Cause you are tuning into him even if you think you arent thinking of him. You're getting readings right? You're curious? You're tuned in. Heck, its how I read people and I do it by thinking about the person and trying to feel them. If I dont clear myself I can have left over connectedness. If you are always trying to figure someone out or to be in their energy field, yes, you are going to start picking things up even when not thinking about it.

I still offer the same advice for any love addicts I counsel. Be it you think the other person is causing your love addiction from projecting their energy onto you or its coming from you, its the same advice. Get clarity. Ask questions. Use direct means to find out what the other person is thinking and feeling for you and if they dont want to hear from you or dont contact back, or give you an evasive answer cause they are afraid to be honest, let it go. Don't go the "I sense/dream this or that" route. That's a love addicts favorite avoidance tactic to maintain illusion and fantasy. Ask questions, state your feelings and intentions and then LISTEN to the response. The REAL response. Not the messages and dreams you pick up. If the person is telling you to leave them alone, not responding or not cooperative, then even if they have feelings, it's still time to detach and clear yourself of that energy and let them figure there stuff out. Find some way to clear the energy if you feel you are picking it up without thinking. Dont give it power. Otherwise you ARE a love addict and codependently living out your life through hopes of being with someone else, who, for whatever reason, even if all your feelings are right, is not capable...  Ask your higher self for dreams that help you to learn from what you are going through. I was able to lucid dream about my highschool crush and ask him in my dream why he always appeared to me in dreams. He told me it was past life and that in a past life he was the obsessive unrequited love and I was inlove with someone else...

Things to note when dreaming of someone repeatedly:

1. Reoccuring dream themes or content with this person. Usually represents the lessons you have to learn from the person. Mine were about not hiding my feelings and desires.

2. Time element. Recurring people in dreams, even friends, especially of past can symbolize old left over karmic or psychic debris that is circling around in your energy field or psychological complexes. If its someone way past, it still means your living out that energy/trauma/hurt/unfulfilled hope that started at that time.

3. Symbols. What do the reoccuring people in your dreams symbolize to you? Some are people we see as threatening, some as desirable, some as smart, some as funny, some as comrads or confidents, some as life long loves, and some as unrequited loves. Your dream could merely be about the symbol. What other symbols are in the dreams?

Ok, so what are the dreams to pay attention to that tell us someone is energetically really trying to send us a message?

* Try learning how to lucid dream and then while dreaming you can ask your love interest why they are in your dream.

* Dreams where animals, angels, christ, counsellors or even psychics come to you and talk to you about your situation. I often have dreams where I see a tarot reader, or a card or rune is shown to me regarding a situation. These dreams I find often are more real and come true. Try going to sleep and asking your angels to appear in dreams and to help you or counsel you...

* Pay attention to any dreams where the person is trying to send you messages. Like quasi lucid dreams where they are trying to write you something and you are trying to read it. Or dreams where they are trying to call you on the phone. Dreams that you really wake you up are ones to watch for too. Sometimes its still deceiving though. Its best just to risk confrontation and asking the hard questions then going by a dream...

It seems silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it is more common than you think and is often the result of growing up in a household where love was either not consistent or was conditional, or simply the child was always trying to win the love and praise or affection from parents who were unavailable or abusive in some way and failed to nurture properly. Even overly spoiling a child and not setting clear and proper boundaries can give a child an ungrounded sense of self where they might not feel given proper love or attention. Usually, a person with unrequited love addiction has a combination of love addictions or may have other addictions as well (alcohol, sex, shopping, even psychics, etc etc). 

According to love addiction anonymous sites on the web, the other love addictions are: 

• obsessed love addicts: obsess and cant let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
• codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
• narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can't let go
• ambivalent love addicts - which include unrequited love addictics/torch-bearers, sabotuers, seductive withholders, romance addicts: the goal is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

So, what happens is the child (well inner child of the adult) has this set belief inside that they are not really worthy of love. They also have this dynamic set up where they find themselves attracted to partners who mirror their parents or this issue. It may not always be a parent. Sometimes another sort of trauma or betrayal that happens to set this dynamic going, but it seems the inner child is trying to change the dynamic. Often, however, although the person feels not worthy of love on some level, they know they are worthy on another level so it becomes confusing to them why they stay addicted to someone unavailable. The relationship then becomes about avoidance,  or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and hates the object of their affection.

Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts which means that they deeply crave love, intimacy and affection and that unconditional love they are seeking, and at the same time they are afraid of it and can push it away or run away or hold it at a distance. It is safer this way to love someone who isnt fully there or who doesn't fully want a commitment. Picking partners who are married, unfaithful, distant, players, sabotuers, sex addicts, etc, acts to help them avoid a true relationship (the unconscious goal). They are in an unconscious way afraid to get really close to someone lest that someone see their unworthiness and reject them somehow. Its easier to get rejected from someone you know may never step up to the plate than to get involved in a real relationship and get really hurt.

So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love? What are the symptoms? The below aren't all of them. You may want to search symptoms of love addiction on the net and will find the general symptoms of love addiction, but these are a few I would note for those who are addicted to unrequited love:

* Do you pine over or obsess over love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are "just friends", or have left you and you just can't move on (you might have simply "switch-hitted" from being a codependent or other love addict to an unrequited love addict/torchbearer)

* Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection (cause you want to keep the addiction going and not push the person away)

* Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesnt really know? (some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests but some hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to or be revealed in any way)

* Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and just know and interpret your feelings and needs (ie. "he should just know, its obvious what I want and I shouldnt have to say anything, so why isnt he pursuing? Does he like me?"). Are you afraid to tell the person what you want and feel because on some level you know the other person is not wholey receptive and you have a feeling it will push them away.

* Can you never feel "close" in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?

* Do you have other addictions (sex, codependency, alcohol etc)?

* Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved?  Do feel powerless to stop at will.

* Do you feel withdrawal if you think of letting the addiction to your love interest go?

* Is  the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive (you lose more than you gain and often feel it fills you with more doubt than faith)

* Do you in general think about love and relationships a lot? Or do you see a relationship or love as a necessity in life and being without it for long would be unbearable?

* Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or other in your earlier life?

Generally, I would say if you have an "interest" who you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection or that the person is just not into you and this is longstanding for some time, you might be addicted to unrequited love.  Or, you may be addicted if there is an unlying knowing that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate or wanted by the other person and could upset things (or his life), then you are probably in the grips of an unrequited love addiction. I've talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests and having sex, or some form of relationship, but they know on some level there are certain things they wont or cannot ask or dare put forward cause the relationship is really a casual one though they want something more.

Here is an example of one kind of unrequited love addict (in combination with codependent and obsessed love addiction):

A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet in a way and there is some flirting going on and the man seems interested to the woman, they might have even had sex. Information is exchanged but a whole bunch of mixed signals start to mark the relationship from there on (because ambivalent love addicts often attract other ambivalent love addicts). The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won't make a clear move and she ends up doing the contacting most of the time, though acting casual cause she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest but its kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she start thinking in her head "does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a "friend", but will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to get out of it but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

The other guy is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared or insecure or will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders "should I say something or make a move", but something inside is telling her it's not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page or ready to hear that so she withholds and keep holding on and holding a torch for this person. She finds out the guy starts to pursue someone else and is upset and feels betrayed. But still she has never had clear indication they are in a "relationship" (be it they have had sex or not).

What to do?

Often, I see the main theme running in these relationships is fear of true communication and risk to be vulnerable, exposed or rejected. Many times setting boundaries and learning communication would be what would be needed to either get out of the rut or to get closure but closure is considered painful and as rejection and to be avoided at all costs and with it true intimacy and relationship. Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that speaking feelings or needs is a burden on others, to be avoided, is weakness or something to be afraid of cause might cause confrontation or rejection. The only way out is through though.  Problem is that the whole set up is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and in this one avoids true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

So, the first trick would be for the person to ask what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to. Sometimes this step is hard in itself. They may be so used to just being and doing what everyone else wanted or in avoiding confrontation that it asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange because all they ever wanted was to be able to conform to what someone else wanted and that was foremost on their minds.

Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem and may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pinning after the loss. Because the love addict avoids closure and may be with another love addict that avoids closure they may be stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconcilliation.

If communication is possible and asking for closure, this is the next step because it helps break the fantasy and though may be considered incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addictions is the belief that without a love one is nothing, but this is not true, so if one can risk losing love and still seeing they are whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can compliment rather than feeling another will complete them. Otherwise the person is in danger of just shifting from unrequited love addict to codependent or obsessed love addict.

It's the pattern that has to be changed and the fears of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation need to be challenged and faced. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or truama junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too. Taking the risk to set boundaries, risk confrontation and  rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to anothers which this might be the real fear that it may not be what one wants to hear so is better to avoid all conversation) may seem overwhelming, but it is the only way out, as well as working on childhood issues which implanted some of these fears and patterns. However, sometimes you can be totally clear with another person what you want and they still give mixed signals cause they are ambivalent and you hang in cause your carrying a torch. Then the lesson is knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they wont be met or cared for and to find someone who can meet them (which might actually be something scarey for a love addict).

I also recommend to start changing the view of love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding. It is focused on self, fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings that one can extend. Love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. If you can't take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs even if they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care about yours? 

Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state there wants, needs and boundaries, but what can happen is some are always stating needs and boundaries and the love interest doesnt acknowledge yet the love addict keeps trying and trying hoping the love interest will come to either care or be the one to offer closure, so, they are always asserting themselves and it become no-win argument.

There are many other tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions. Austrailian Bush Flower Essences has a "Relationship Essence" which contains the flower essences

Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.

Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can't survive if they let go of all they hold onto.

Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.

Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership. 

Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.

Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.

Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.  

Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of emotional rawness.  

Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

EFT (emotional freedom technique) is also another tool that can help with love addictions. Please feel free to read my blogs on EFT.

Books on love addiction:

Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships. Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

Escape from Intimacy: Untangling the Love Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships. Anne Schaef.

Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love. Pia Mellody.

Is It Love or is It Addiction? Brenda Schaeffer.

How to Break Your Addiction to a Person. Howard Halpern.

Leaving the Enchanted Forest: The Path from Relationship Addiction to Intimacy. Stephanie Covington and Liana Beckett.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions. Jed Diamond.

Love and Addiction. Stanton Peele.

Obsessive Love: When Passion Holds You Prisoner. Susan Forward.

Women Who Love Too Much. Robin Norwood.

This Saturday there will be a new moon in the youthful, reinvigorating and spirited sign of Aries. It is a great time for fresh starts, for change, and bringing in something new. Aries asks everyone to start a new chapter in life with a new and positive attitude. So, think NIKE, and "just do it" with an air of childlike innocence, sense of Arian adventure, and trust. Be like the little engine that could. If something is not working for you, just be adventurous and try something different. 

This is the one new moon of the year that best fosters our courage and ability to take risks. So, get in touch with your inner warrior. And, because Aries is master of sports, contest and athletics, its a great time to get off the couch and initiate a new health and athletic routine to get yourself in shape. It's also a time to remember that regardless of any troubles that befall us, all life is a grand comedy and that every cloud has a silver lining. Be willing to let the past go and to trust things can be different.

At the same time, Venus (a planet of romance and the arts) will be in the dreamy sign of pisces also helping even more to encourage childlike innocence and creativity.  Saturn (planet of structure and restriction) is in retrograde in the taskmaster sign of Virgo, but if used right can help with discipline towards making new affirmations and matras for ourselves that help us defeat our negative thinking patterns.

This new moon can also be a time to guard against immaturity, selfishness, impulsivity and futile war like action and strife. Use this new moon as a time to start creating disciplining towards such behavior while at the same time being able to stand up for ourselves and own our power responsibly and with care for everyone involved.

Happy New Moon on the 5th...

Negative energy surrounding us comes from our own circumstances, emotions, relationship dramas, environment, addictions etc.

Yes, you can do regular chakra and energy field clearings to clear negative energy, but unless you clear the reasons why the negative energy is there and why you attracted it or allow it (the patterns and behaviors, how you deal with people, environment etc) then it will just come back. Fortunately, clearing your charkas and energy field regularly can trigger changes to take place which move the way for those deeper things to start shifting. And you can work the other way also, doing healing work on patterns and behaviors and feeling stuck to certain negative energies or people or tendencies towards negative thinking and emotions (obsessing, being stuck in the head, doubt, fear, anger, feeling depressed, a victim, hurt, betrayed, lonely etc). This has a clearing affect on the aura as you clear more and more.

What I could start with is clearing the field of the energy and then move to the more physical or emotional realm or the other way. But for your own help to clear negative energy, take up a practice of exercise and relaxation/meditation/visualization. Exercise (however gentle) helps release negative energy and to energize and uplift. relaxation helps being stuck in the head. You can buy sage to burn and clear your space at home or you can use EFT (emotional freedom technique) or visualizations for that too. Music also has a tremendous affect, so keep music playing that is high vibration. Anyone who has seen "Whats the Bleep" knows that words can have tremendous effect and carry a vibration, so see yourself as if you are in a container of sorts and what words do you want written on it to affect your vibration?

Knowing your environment is key. So surround yourself with positive, upbeat and supportive people, keep your house clear of too much clutter and mess, put things in the container around you that vibrate a high vibration to you. Sometimes we cannot control being surrounded by negative people or situations that will affect our own energy, especially if having to do with work or family relationships and dramas. So, in these cases, you might want to clear any cords with such people regularly and any of others energy from your field and work to maintain your boundaries and integrity and just place yourself in white light or the idea of being in a container with beautiful words written on it if you have to be in a negative environment or around negative people.... You can even send some love and high vibration their way too...

Like Romance Addicts, Seductive Withholders are a form of Ambivalent Love Addict. Ambivalent love addicts tend to crave intimacy and closeness with a person and fear it at the same time. They tend to keep relationships at a superficial level through various means to prevent from getting close.  

Seductive Withholders are similar to Sabotuers and they may have Torchbearer tendencies as well (two other ambivalent love addict types) . With Torchbearers (unrequited love addicts), they tend to fantasize about a love object at a distance. Sometimes the  love object isnt so much at a distance as much as unavailable or the love is unrequited. The torchbearer then holds a torch for this person and fantasizes about being with them one day. With Saboteurs, they tend to sabotage relationships (that arent unrequited) once they become more emotionally intimate. They will run away from a relationship because they are trying to avoid closeness, rejection or intimacy, rather than just because a person isn't right for them. If they do not run away, they provoke a break up. They usually don't look back but if they do reinitiate the patter over and over with the same person, they then become what is called a "seductive withholder". Seductive withholders swing back and forth between withholding sex, companionship, commitment and affection, and then coming onto you again when they feel they want it again or it feels safe. 

There are two main kinds of seductive withholders according to information online I have read. The first kind's behavior is narcissistic based and the second kind's behavior is fear based. For the narcissistic type of seductive withholder, seducing someone again and again after abandoning/provoking a break-up becomes a kind of game. It is about getting a high from playing with a persons feelings and seeing if they can win that person back. Even if they feel bad doing this, they can keep doing it anyways, possibly not knowing why. They seem to lack empathy towards the hurt they cause. This kind of behavior is thought to be a personality disorder that is rooted in having experienced childhood trauma. If you are with a narcissist doing this, it is unlikely that they will get help or change. Narcissistic disorder is one of the hardest personality disorders to treat.

The fear based seductive withholder may assume getting close to anyone means getting hurt. Still, they crave closeness and relationship when feeling lonely. They don't have trouble being alone or uncommitted in general (it's feels safer for them that way). However, they can feel attracted the wrong types for them. The two main triggers for their withholding phases (of love, commitment, sex, bonding) are intimacy and commitment. But they still care and are attracted to the person they abandoned. Unlike narcissistic seductive withholders, those whose behavior is fear-based can heal (they do respond to therapy). Part of their healing involves learning to attract a partner who is the right type for them and who is independent and self-sufficient, but also patient. They have to learn to stick with the relationship even when their fear comes up (they may need someone to bolster and support them here) and I also think communication is key. If the person can talk about their fear with the partner and feel understood rather than just running away, they have a better chance sticking through.

There is another type of client I read a lot who I think is a quasi third type of seductive withholder, but I'm not sure. It could simply be an extension of the fear-based withholder type. These types are combinations of codependent, torchbearer and seductive witholder love addict. They might be with someone who is using them or abusing them in some way (or they think they are due to past trauma and lack of trust) or who is non-commital in ways, married, cheating or an unrequited love in some way. They begin a dance with their love object (who there is often a love-hate relationship), where when they are committed to their love object they feel unsafe and frightened of getting hurt or frustrated the relationship seems going nowhere and so they want out of the relationship. As soon as they are out of the commitment, they are frightened of losing the person or that person moving on and getting over them and they want back in. It seems a fear of general rejection or abandonment for some clients be they in or out of relationship with their love object. For others its I think just loneliness both in and out of the relationship. They feel lonely and the relationship isnt giving enough while in it yet leave and are lonely wanting what little they had back. On some level they really dont feel the love object is worthy of them or can feel at the same time they are unworthy of their love object, and the dance becomes all about wanting the love object as something idealized (wanting them to change), rather than as they are.

So they end up back and forth breaking and pulling back because they feel that the person is not right for them or using, not committing or abusing them in some way, yet once feelings of loneliness creep in or thoughts "what if" the person can change, and fear that the person might move on without them, they want back and move into seductor mode to try to get them back. They may have secret hopes that after breaking off a commitment that the love interest will be hurt enough into wanting them back on new terms or will make a show of caring in some way. They may even entice the love interest into doing so and then drop them cause again they view the person not good enough.

Often it has bad effects though because it often opens them up to more mistreatment as to get the person back. Some can end up either in torchbearer mode craving love from someone they wonder if they will ever contact them again or come back, or they themselves initiate reconcilliation and then may have to compromise themselves more or they become willing to endure more abuse to get the persons love back. It also has a damaging effect on the person they are relating with (who may end up feeling abused themselves) if the issue was fear of commitment with this person, this person may be even less willing to fully invest or commit. But the seductive withholder love addict keeps obsessing on the relationship and cannot let go. 

Sometimes I've read women or men who are SWs inlove with SWs. Sometimes its two narcissists SWs, sometimes a narcissist and a fear based SW and sometimes two fear based SWs. The narcisists ones can become completely cruel, abusive, punishing, and hurtful to one another and you wonder why they go back at all. The two fear based ones are frustrating to read too cause they just wont communicate at all and no one wants to set a boundary or really open up an honest conversation about whether to make a concerted effort to put two feet in or to take them both out and move on. Either case, both partners can be strong willed and independent types yet become somewhat codependent and yet addicted to eachother in an on again off again relationship full of games (threats, standing up, provoked jealousies - usually triggered off deliberately to punish the love interest in some way, advancing, retreating, do I love him, do I not, does he love me, does he not, love vs hate)... and the couple is being more cruel and withholding to one another than loving one another. The relationship becomes a game of who can withhold more and then how to seduce back. Ironically, often such a couple has an intense and conflicted sexual chemistry between them, though sex can be withheld when either party is in withholding phase.

Most of these types of on again off again clients I've read have the same pattern in childhood or can have history of being with someone in a fully committed abusive relationship that took time to get strength to fully leave (for men, I'm no expert, but seems it can also be if they were really betrayed or cheated on by a former committed partner or if they suffered a harsh divorce). Being neglected, abused or rejected in ways and attracting relationships where they begin a dance of attracting types they percieve are hurting them and that they shouldnt want (whether real or imagined), but wanting their love anyways, wanting to heal that hurt inner child who feels no one loves them. So they attempt to break but then that need for that love from someone kicks in...the need to feel worthy to that person which in these phases they idealize their love object, seeing them as superior rather than inferior.

Something that keeps them addicted in these relationships is the thrill and drama of the ups and down, and the sense of competition (to see if they can win love or approval from someone they perceive as unloving, distant or cruel) etc. Possibly both people need to learn to communicate their needs and feelings more. I find a lot of people I read in this situation just avoid asking for what they want and certain boundaries assuming they will never get it, or are asking for stuff over and over in scattered ungrounded nagging ways or breaking up and getting back together ways instead of just making an honest ultimatum... and so they just leave feeling despondent and then want back in hoping again they can get what they want.

Romance Addicts are one particular kind of Love Addict. They are hard to bond with like most ambivalent love addicts (the other kinds are torchbearers, seductive withholders and saboteurs). The goal of relationships is to seek some sense of closeness and intimacy while avoiding true bonding because bonding can lead to getting hurt and cause pain or disappointment or just plain boredom.

How do you know if you are a romance addict or dating one?

The romance addict loves the rush of falling inlove, which often happens very quickly. They can crave adventure and the thrill of conquest. It is about fantasy and finding someone who can act out their fantasies with them, but the focus is on romance instead of a real, true and solid relationship which involves growth, communication, real life, real needs and bonding. They usually have brief affairs because not all relationships can be permanently romantic, and they tend to lose interest when the romance wears off and becomes more about real love. To them, the lack of passion can feel dull and they may get depressed, seek a way out of the relationship, think they are not inlove anymore or look towards a new love interest who can provide them romance and a fresh rush.

Romance addicts usually go from one relationship to another to get their "fix". They can also carry on more than one relationship at a time and feel "inlove" with more than one person at a time. Some can have a back door relationship ready for if a main one collapses, which their relationships usually do. Others may marry but carry on multiple elicit affairs to get their fix. They have a hard time being alone and being bored and when the infatuation wears off with any interest of present and the honeymoon phase is over, or the relationship becoms too real, the romance addict gets bored and moves on to a new infatuation. They tend to feel that life feels empty without romance or someone to romance and may be succeptible to depression or other psychosomatic illness if they start feeling out of control.

Romance addicts have a hard time tolerating real basic needs (in themselves and in their love interests), it is part of avoiding bonding. They can seem to both at the same time love drama and create it while not liking it and avoiding the consequences of the drama they stir up (asking the love interest to not have deeper needs or to look to deeply to them for accepting responsibility)

Romance addicts can be confused with sex addicts but are not the same. Romance addicts can concurrently suffer from sex addictions but not always. The problem is that romance addicts can use sex to feel some sense of bonding, romance, lust, passion and intimacy while actually avoiding deeper bonding and connecting to someone. Romance addicts can also feel dependent on pleasing their partner sexually (to keep up the high level of passion and romantic lust). They may have sex even if they dont want to to keep the lust, infatuation and element of romance high in the relationship, to avoid disappointing their partner, and also. again, to avoid deeper bonding which causes them anxiety.

Consequences can result if romance addict does not seek help and gets sick from their disease, through have too many partners, getting depressed or being subjected to sexual diseases or other consequences of their addiction. Families can be destroyed (especially when the romance addict pursues married people or is married), reputations ruined, sense of frustration and despondency can set in and other people other than the addict can get hurt.

Love is a decision, a decision to expand and not contract, to treat others as you would like to be treated, to not mislead or deliberately hurt others. Love is not sex and is not games. It is honest, generous and pure. It exposes itself in face of a risk of being rejected. It does not enable hypocracy. Love communicates.

Love would be responsible enough, and would love enough, to offer closure to someone if feelings and desires changed instead of playing games with peoples feelings or through provoking a break-up or disappearing or being unfaithful. If a lover was unsure what s/he wanted, with love they could be open and honest allowing the other to make a decision based on what the lover was open, honest and ready for. Love is also honest enough to ask what someone else wants or needs and express what they want or need without trying to prevent being abandoned, for those who cling but never seek closure or answers then holding resentments or hurts for expectations that were based in fantasy because they never opened communication enough to test if they were real.

A true player cares only for himself and his feelings and avoids honesty and confrontation. A player is disloyal, deceiving, or pulls a disappear act not wanting to handle someone elses questions hurt or confrontation.

If you care, be bold with it. If you don't, let the person know directly and let them move on.

A true player runs from responsibility in love... whether it's due to fear, self-sabotage or that they are simply moving on to the next conquest or rush... 

Lastly, love doesnt offer excuses after the fact (not calling, missing a date, disappearing acts etc), love cares enough to be involved enough to let others know what's going on with them.

Casanovas/ Romance Addicts

Some casanovas and romance addicts actually do think they are falling inlove and are not typical players with deliberate intentions to play games or deceive. They suffer from ambivalent love addictions in which they crave intimacy and closeness but true intimacy is to threatening to them so they seek to run away from it, be it unconsciously or consciously.

Casanovas can actually crave a love and commitment that is lasting even though they feel at odds at why they cannot sustain a bond (or have a bond they can't remain faithful to), or can have insecurities or act out to sabotage a commitment as soon as they ask for it. The pattern is they usually fall in love really quickly and to come on very strong and romantic, who are looking for soulmate, but with inability to maintain a relationship without pushing their partner away or running away from the relationship through fantasy, romance, sex and infidelity. 

Casanovas may have had a string of affairs that never manifest into something more or short marriages or marriages where there is a wife who is no longer made love to anymore in favor of outside fantasies, sexual encounters and affairs. What Casanovas do not understand is that they are seeking the high and the rush of falling inlove and not a true intimacy, true caring or a lasting bond. They often move from one love to the next and have a line up of potential interests. You can identify them by being careful of those who can be extremely charming and affectionate but who may avoid true intimacy (getting to know someone deeply and letting others get to know them other than on a romantic level). There is a lot of thrill in the romantic crush phase of a relationship or the feeling of being crushed on by another and once the crush is over or realities and demands of a relationship set in, escape or distance is desired or a new crush presents itself and they can leave one relationship behind to pursue something new.

There was an experiment with pigeons.. The pigeons were divided into 3 groups.

Group 1: The first few times the pigeons pecked at a metal plate birdseed would come out. Then, when they pecked again  nothing would happen. After pecking for a few times more with nothing happening, the pigeons finally gave up....

Group 2: The pigeons were always allows that when they pecked at a metal plate birdseed would come out.  At first the pigeons pecked all the time, but they eventually learned to trust that whenever they pecked, birdseed would come out so they only pecked occasionally when they were hungry....

Group 3: The first few times the pigeons pecked at a metal plate, birdseed would come out. Then, when they pecked, none came out, but trying another time birdseed would again come out, but it was never predictable. The pigeons pecked and pecked and never stopped, because there is some reward, but it is never predictable.

Obviously, the relationship where one becomes most secure and least needy and needing to "peck" is going to be the relationship where you just know your needs are met and love is always available when you need it. People in such relationship will seem less needy.

When love is never available and nothing happens to meet your needs, usually a person will give up eventually and have their needs met elsewhere.

But sometimes love can be unpredictable or lovers are rewarded unpredictably by partners who are only half interested, giving them what they want when they want to use them, or who are insecure and playing games. So, that person acts like they love you one moment and the next they've stood you up for something, not called, withheld love and affection etc. Or you were once rewarded for showing love and affection or calling and then at other times aren't. If it happens to often victims of such relationships can become needy and insecure, starting to test and peck all the time because they never know when they will be rewarded,   knowing reward and love is reciprocated sometimes, just it never seems unpredictable.

Guess no relationship is perfect, but if you find yourself too much needing to peck at that metal plate for nurturing to come out, maybe its time to either sit down and talk about the relationship and any games being played, or start to focus on how to get rewarded in a more reliable place ....

Most of us, in some part have within us some deficit of feeling wholey loved and cared for...  Even those of us who grew up in good families can feel this deficit at times. Sometimes we can seek to find ways to fill that deficit from outside of us instead of from within. There is an EFT technique one can use to try to encourage a meditation on being loved from a source that we all have control over... be it God or ourselves.

The karate chop point on the hand (the fleshy part on the pinky side of hand) can be tapped while visualizing love flowing from another source. If you know trauma happened to you at a younger age or as a baby where you may have not felt loved or wanted (such as if your mother had post partum or you were given up for adoption), you can use that in your visualization. It definitely helps to go as far back to the root of the issue as possible. 

Tapping on the karate chop point is the acupressure/meridian point that helps with what is called "pschological reversal". You can look through my blogs on EFT and find out more about psychological reversal and EFT, but basically its when we want one things (ie, to feel loved), but there are unconscious blocks to being able to really manifest or feel it (ie, such as we dont feel we deserve it, it's impossible etc). So tapping on the karate chop point of the hand while visualizing receiving love from a source, the world etc, can help break through any resistances and is especially useful if you even find visualizing this difficult.

Love, Light and Gratitude to all...

1. Karate Chop point: "Even though I am carrying emotions in my energy field that do not belong to me, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and allow that energy to go return to its original owner." Repeat 3 times while tapping on the side of the hand.

2. Crown Point: "Thank you God for releasing from me all emotions from my energy field that dont belong to me... send them back to their original owner with love " Repeat 1 time while tapping on the top point of the head.

3. Eyebrow Point: Repeat above set up statement 1 time while tapping where the eyebrow starts (near the nose).

4. Side of Eye Point: Repeat set up statement 1 time while tapping on the bone at the side of the eye.

5. Under Eye Point: Repeat set up statement 1 time while tapping on the bone under the center of the eye.

6. Under Nose Point: Repeat set up statement 1 time while tapping under the nose.

7. Chin Point: Repeat set up statement 1 time while tapping on the chin point.

8. Collar Bone Point: Repeat set up statement 1 time while tapping on the indentation under the collarbone at its beginning (see diagram).

9. Under Arm Point: Repeat set up statement 1 time while tapping under the armpit about 4 inches down (on a woman would be on the bra strap where it wraps around the back).

If you can muscle test, see if you test strong for being free and clear of energies that don't belong to you. You should test strong unless you have psychological reversals (which can be cleared using EFT).

If you want to clear cords and other negative attachments, perform a round of EFT using the set up statement "Thank you God, for clearing my energy field of all cords, impurities and negative attachments that arent in my highest good, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself" using the same procedure as above (3 repetitions on side of hand, and 1 repetition on other points).

Then you can do a round clearing the energy field of any leaks or tears (holes in the energy field). Here, I like to do the side of the hand and then tap the set up statement on the other points while visualizing moving my hand through the energy field with a cloud of light around my hand that heals the aura of any leaks and tears. If you can see the leaks and tears, then visualize this light and the energy from your hands healing them. The set up statement I use is "Thank you God for healing my energy field of any leaks and tears, and I deeply and completely love myself".

Now I start on the chakras. You can start on the lowest and go to the highest or the highest to the lowest. Sometimes I like to include the minor chakras on the feet and knees as well. For here, I will just do the main 7 chakras. If you are attuned to Reiki Symbols, feel free to draw and mentally drop them into the chakras before beginning the EFT

Crown Chakra:

Side of hand: "Thank you God that my crown chakra is clear, balanced and healed of any structural defects and I deeply and completely love and accept myself." While tapping on the side of hand I repeat this statement 3 times while feeling/visualizing pulling energy up through my central channel/spine pushing it through the chakra to clear any blocks. If they are blocked you will feel the energy difficult to push it through. If it continues this way, stop and muscle test for psychological reversals.

Crown: "Thank you God that my crown chakra is clear, balanced and healed of any structural defects" (I also throw in things like "So much love/so much beauty/so much light" to the end of statement to get that vibration of love and light flowing in my consciousness. Do what feels right and what you can feel. Repeat while tapping on the crown and visualizing again pulling light through this chakra toward and the chakra spinning beautifully.

Eyebrown Point: You can change and alter things with different points feeling whatever feels the most lightest. I like to intermittently visualize/intend the chakra is spinning beautifully in violet color (this is another place you can feel chakra defects if you see/sense impurities or sense chakras undercharged or under/overactive and feel as you carry on them coming back to balance and color). Seems complicated, but once you get used to it, the visualization becomes second nature while repeating phrases and tapping and don't feel you need to do everything.

Then you move to the Third Eye chakra (between the eyes). It spins an indigo color. Tapping the crown point you can place the hand you are not using to tap over the third eye/forehead. Do the front chakra with the set up statement and then do the third eye chakra at the back of the head.

Then move through the throat, heart, solar plexus and sexual chakra in the same manner. The root chakra I only do one position (no back position) and dont use the hand position.

If you know muscle testing you can test each chakra individually for 1. blocks, 2. Overactivity/underactivity 3. Structural Defects 4. whether its undercharged. If you still find some chakras have them, after clearing them try another round just on that individual issue such as "Even though my sexual chakra is overactive, I deeply and completely love and accept myself" If it still muscle tests blocked, then there is likely a psychological reversal and you can test or tap through the list to shift it. 

At this point I like to release any left over negative impurities from the field and then bring in the healing light. Just start with tapping side of hand "Thank you God for clearing all levels of my energy field of anything negative or any impurity that doesnt need to be there, and I deeply, and so completely, love and accept myself. While tapping the points I visualize light sweeping through my field and pulling any energy down through my chakras, out through my feet and into the ground. Then start switching it around and using "Thank you God, that my aura is looking so beautiful, so light, so bright, so clear" while visualizing the light pouring in. "Thank you god that my whole being is infused with bright, white healing light of the highest vibration, and I deeply and completely do love and accept myself" and "Thank you that all levels of my aura are infused with this bright white healing light"

I've here started visualizing bringing energy through the crown, visualize it as bright as possible and pulling it down as it infuses your entire body and energy field while tapping on your eft points. Just talk about what you are doing "Thank you God that Im bringing the energy down through the crown and its so bright" "Thank you that this healing energy is infusing my brain with the highest vibration of energy" "Every cell in my brain radiates with the highest vibration of energy" and keep moving down the body and chakra system this way infusing anything with light that you wish while tapping different points.

Once at the root, bring the energy down the legs and into the ground while tapping points and then bring energy from the ground back up again through the crown. Then visualize both energy flows moving simultaneously, one down through the crown and one up through the root, washing your spinal column with bright, white healing light. Visualize your aura expanding outward while tapping on this, making it large and so full of light.

You can end by doing some grounding. Visualize pulling the energy from the soles of your feet into the ground while tapping a round "Thank you God for grounding my energy". Afterwards, get up slowly as you might feel very light. Make sure you drink water afterwards and rest if you need to.

Shorter versions of this for perking up is just not doing each chakra individually and just tapping "Thank you God that all my chakras are clear, balanced and healed of any structural defects, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself or just the closing part of the exercise.

Hasn't been edited fully yet...

What you don't face or feel stays burried within you or will be manifested through you in other ways until it is faced... be it through unconscious acting out behavior, illness, energetic imbalances, or through what you draw to you and manifest into the world. Affirmations and practicing Law of Attraction can work against you if you practice them from a place of denial of the present or with the wrong mind set, approach or intent. They should only be practiced through a feeling of neutrality. I've even had lucid dreams where I became afraid and tried to lucid dream another reality and failed because I never faced, loved nor became non-judgemental towards the one I was in.

Affirmations are frequently not used or approached in the right way. What you don't want to happen is for there to occur a greater suppression or "splitting off" of parts of the personality in order to try to think, act or affirm something that deep down there exists some resistance. The result could be further disease and dishamony. The wrong way to use affirmation is to feel that you are no longer allowed to think, act or feel in ways out of accordance with what you are affirming. Neutrality is the key and letting go of perceptions of right, wrong, good and bad knowing all strong feelings of opposites are coming from the same source. For example, Mahatma Gandhi was a man of peace but died through violence, because his attention was still violence, the eradication of it through peace.

Any time to you to split away part of your personality, that part of you will demand you pay attention and will use anything it can to try to form a communcation bond (body, circumstances, emotional issues or other means). It's really a cry for love. This is true even when we don't even remember the traumas, yet they are still having an effect upon our unconsciousness or conscious life and we can't seem to make out why.

Sometimes we do remember experiences but they feel numb to us or we cannot connect with them and thus they seem resistant to healing. This is most often the case for children or adults who experience trauma and handle it by shutting down or shutting off emotionally. Possibly as children they were punished for displaying emotions, ignored or made to feel weak or flawed. It keeps the trauma and the emotions buried and held in the energy field and body until reintegrated in the self.

So much mentality of todays world is one of quick fix and of not showing or accepting weaknesses, be they in ourselves or in others. But we forget that only through risking vulnerability, reaching out for love and support and being able to feel and show our weaknesses can we find true strength and healing. It is unfortunate that in the world today and historically people end up not only dealing with the trauma's but carrying a deep sense of shame that they haven't managed to buck up and release them to serve the needs of the world or others. Would any other creature feel this way? Ashamed? And that becomes a trauma and a complex on its own to release.

Most of us who carry fears or traumas haven't learned to love that child/adult within who was hurt. Not in the sense of maintaining a victim conscious (that is merely a defense mechanism), but in the sense of embracing that part of ourselves the same way one would wish to embrace the child who they witness being hurt and wanted to comfort them. Love, nurturing, helping that part of the self feel a sense of comfort and protection is what brings in the most healing. Sometimes, however, in life, traumas can happen, abuses, for which that child is never embraced afterwards by anyone. All remains silenced, even to the child who learns to shut their pain down and go through it alone. Its like telling that little girl or boy who is afraid in the night that their is a boogie man in the closet that they are wrong to feel their fear instead of just taking that child, letting it know it is safe and loved, offering it a hug. The former approach only makes the child feel stupid and yet still afraid. All parts of us are just extentions of a greater identy/creation seeking love, our love and not simply our rationalizations and attempts to shut them away. But often we just try to push away or feel frustrated or punishing of these parts of ourselves, viewing them in disgust. We are simply here as actors and creators but unlike actors who may choose difficult role to play and embrace the opportunity with relish, we embrace ours with disgust or wanting someone elses part to play ... it isnt meant to be this way.

Most times you know something is going on within you when you try to visualize or affirm something good for you and just get this tug of resistance against it, part of your inner self, or the child within struggling to make itself heard and screaming at you to acknowledge it, yet you are not really sure what that child is trying to say. Sometimes just "help", "pay attention to me I'm feeling neglected", "love me" or "I don't feel safe/loved."

One thing I like about EFT is that it works through actually getting you to face the issue with non-judgement. It is not about looking the other way, sweeping things under the carpet or suppressing. The only way out is through... You face the issue and honor it in the form of a set up statement "Even though ....., I deeply and completely love and accept myself". You aren't asked to deny or medicate anything. Like a homeopathic it works on premise of like treats like. You face it while tapping on certain meridian points in your body and try to bring about a release (side of hand, crown, beginning of eyebrow, bone on side of eye, bone on under eye, under nose, chin, collorbone point - in indentation and underarm - where a womans bra strap sits). Sometimes there are what are called "Psychological reversals" in the way to releasing such things which can be picked up through muscle testing. These are nothing to feel ashamed of. Often they are lodged in your energy or nervous system and is not a matter of willpower in overcoming them. Sometimes clearing them and shifting them they can come back though and they need repeated clearing. Such reversals include "I dont deserve to be free of this", "It's not safe", "I'm not willing" etc etc. These are all the little child inside speaking in its immature language of not understanding. It is not yet rational and if you try to reason with it, it simply does not understand. It wants love and comfort and acknowledgement and not rationality and reasoning. It has its own emotional language. A language that can be learned and understood, if you are patient and willing.

There are a few other energy medicine and visualization techniques that can be used for releasing feeling from the body or eft can be used, though sometimes trauma's (especially if there are many of them). The process works like the peeling of an onion and you have to peel back all the layers. Any body pains coming up are signs of release and you can focus on and feel them and see if any images come up. Usually the focus is enough to release them.

If you have excessive fear you can try tapping repeatedly on the point on the back of the hand between and below the knuckles of the pinky and forth finger in the indentation while focusing on and being "with" what you fear.

A TAT technique for releasing fear works by placing your hands one over the forhead (you are covering certain point located on the forhead) and one hand over the back of the head thumb resting on the point where your neck meets your skull. Hold this position or have someone else hold it while intensely focusing on your feeling/issue/memory until you feel it release some. You can then repeat the exercise using the affirmation "Thank you God for releasing the cause of ..." till you feel a shift. Then "Thank you God for releasing all the places in my body, mind and life where .... has resonated". Then "Thank you God for releasing all parts of me that get something out of holding onto ....". Then "Thank you God that I now forgive all the people I blamed for ...(including yourself)" and lastly "Thank you god that I am forgiven by all the people who have blamed me for ... (including yourself)".

If this position is hard to hold without tiring, another position is to lie or sit on a bed and cross ones ankles while bringing turning ones hands so palms face away from sides of the body. Then bring them in, cross them and hold them so pinkies are facing the sky and thumbs are down. Then bring your joined hands upwards and over your chest. Hold this position while trying to bring up and connect with painful memories or while watching something or listening to songs which connect you with held emotions/phobia/fear etc. As you do, imagine that there is a loving energy surrounding you and channeling through you which pulls all those memories/trauma's and feelings into its light and which pulls it downward through your body, out your feet and into the ground where it is released into the earth.

This can also sometimes work for feelings of physical pain or resistance, focus on that feeling of pain or resistance and face it, feel it fully, send it love...