Boundaries

The Patient Chain.....

DruidsGlenTarot — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:11:00 GMT

It started Friday last week...
I needed a prescription filled....but not until January 4th ( I needed to start a new package on that day)
So me being the frugal woman I am decides to wait until Jan 2nd to call the pharmacy to have it available for me January 3rd so I could start it on January 4th. New Deductible year and all that :-)
I am at this time blissfully unaware that I have no refills left since I had not had that prescription in my palm since January of last year....
I am informed that I have no re-fills so I have to call my doctor.
I call the doctor and they are not taking calls after 4.30pm ( it's now 4.35pm) so I hang up frustrated.....
I weigh my options, is this important? Kinda
Should I call the doctor? Yes, I need to start it on Sunday...
So I call and get a very RUDE answering service. I am informed that they do not DO prescriptions on the weekends.......so there is no guarantee that I will get a call until Monday...
I am a little upset about that but the call does not come until Monday morning....where upon I am told the prescription has been called in.
I go to my pharmacy in the afternoon and it has NOT been called...
I ask how long it will take IF they doctor calls in now?
I am told 45 mins.....
I am again a little upset and am thinking how HARD should it be to get a prescription?
They call and I am left waiting an hour and a half.....
AND they produce the prescription and tell me it's only one third of what I paid last time which causes me to question IF it is the WRONG prescription???
No, it was their mistake, they tell me it will be that price THIS time but not again....as they had it down as a 30 day supply when it was a 90 day supply....
Now I take the time to look at the refills and it states I have 11 left because of the 30 day supply mix up with the 90 day supply.......
And all of that made me think............just how many mistakes can be made when one unsuspecting person goes to pick up a prescription???
Sheesh..........no wonder the health care system is in trouble in this country....
joan

Musings from the Glen.......

DruidsGlenTarot — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 16:45:00 GMT

Is needing to know when he/she is going to call that important? Does knowing that information, make it happen? OR does knowing make it not happen? Could make it go either way to be honest. Do we have that kind of power? I certainly do think that we all have more power than we know or realize, we all have more psychic ability than we know what to do with or have belief in so that we ignore it because we are afraid of it. But it's there, it's the first thing that comes to you and it's never going away. Used in the right way if can help rather than hinder, so get out of your own way and just let this happen :-)

I mean, aside from knowing when someone is going to call, can timing be that accurate? I know that when I have a phone call to make, to either tell someone how I feel or confront someone about their behavior, that may have hurt me or offended me I know that I sure as heck put that phone call off........ I don't know about you :-) SO if they know they want to call you and know they should call you, but dread making that call, how can the timing be accurate when they do not know when they will have the courage to make that call?

And let's face it....do we need a reading every day? every week? every month? How often is it advisable to get a reading? I suppose that it is up to the person wanting the reading to decide but is that advisable when you have called for one the day before? And maybe the day before that? Is it ethical for a reader to take a call every day from a caller? I debate that all the time, and do talk to clients about it and while it is up to them to decide, I am not in favor of that kind of reading arrangement. If some thing has changed, then no problem and I will take the call anyway but I will talk it over with you.... So that we both decide what is best for us... Realistically speaking, do things change that quickly? Sometimes situations are like a boiling kettle, they will not resolve themselves unless we leave them alone to do what they need to do on their own without manipulation or interference..... and eventually boil themselves ( resolve themselves)

I do go on... :-)

Joan

Asking the same question over and over will not.....

DruidsGlenTarot — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 05:18:00 GMT

change the answer. Calling the same reader many times in the same day is not emotionally healthy, especially if you have already been given what information that was available for the same question that was asked many times. It shows too much focus that can be bordering on obsession, which is never a good thing. And watching that kettle boil can delay it or even prevent it happening and that is what happens when we obsess, it leaves no room for things to just happen as and when they should. That will not make the call you desire happen, that will not improve your chances of having the kind of relationship you want with the person you desire. Give that prediction time to manifest, things will not change in the same day.

You CANNOT control a person or situation by getting readings, You cannot control when they call you, make their move to initiate a relationship, leave their wife for you........ and attempting to manipulate a person or situation will NEVER work. You must try to temper your dependence on readings......

Please know this when you call. A reading will not change things. A reading will not control the person or situation. A reading will not make things happen overnight. And a reading does not guarantee what was seen will happen exactly as it was seen. I am not sure it works that way.... that way we get to change our minds at any time about any thing and that in my opinion is a very good thing....

Joan

Closure....

DruidsGlenTarot — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 17:38:00 GMT

I came across a message board on aol about relationships and one of the biggest complaints on that board was people complaining that either the other party had ended it in a bad manner or they had not achieved closure on the relationship and were waiting for it from them. And my favorite quote from a book I highly recommend is * Some people do not have have relationships, they take hostages* and the name of the book is Calling in the One by Katherine Woodward Thomas. But it is true, we have our expectations but we as human beings have to remember that people will not always meet them nor is it their duty to do so and we cannot hold the people we have relationships with hostage to our expectations. A hard lesson to learn, but a fact nonetheless. In reality the word closure is one of those new ones added to the dictionary in the past few years such as google etc....

I of course, felt the need to chime in and say first of all there are no right or wrong ways to end a relationship...... there are no rules of engagement for that sort of thing and like it or not people handle things differently. I personally would not like to hear, I did not do it in bed for that person, or my arse was too big, or whatever the *reason* was it ended, I just want to hear or see from behavior that it's over and that's all I care about. I suppose it's easier to be the dumper rather than the dumpee, unless they demand their closure from you :-) And boy is that a hard one, well let me see, why do I want it to be over, well that's just a conversation I will avoid like the plague.... Sorry, it might not be the right thing, but I have not ended that many relationships so it's not like I am an expert at it.

Sometimes they do not say it's over, sometimes they just *act* like it's over, and then you have to listen to the actions and even if we do not like those actions they might harder to hear if the words are saying what we want to hear.

Sometimes when we can look at a situation without the emotions, we can see, truly see, that it might be best to seek closure and peace about a situation on our own rather than give power to another by waiting for it from them. It really is all about our boundaries. What if they are unable to give us that conversation that we seek? What if they are passive agressive and avoid taking our calls? What if they avoid our emails ? I say their actions are speaking louder and you should not call or email again, they are either unready or unable to deal with us and our messy emotions, and so are avoiding us..... that is easier for them. And we have to understand that. A harder thing yet is for us to learn to control our emotions and to say what we mean & mean what we say and only choose to deal with individuals who do the same .......just a thought.

Joan

When Push Comes to Shove....

DruidsGlenTarot — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 16:20:00 GMT

I remember when I wanted a man so badly that when he told me, he could not give me what I wanted, I did not want to believe him so I kept seeing him in the hopes that he would change his mind.....needless to say he did NOT.

And I was not listening until I stopped falsely maintaining the relationship by being the one who called him, being the one that made the plans or being the one that just showed up that it was only when I STOPPED trying to manipulate, control ( passive aggressively) and keep it going that I regained my self esteem because I knew in my heart and soul that I was selling myself short.

I had to learn to let it go and NOT try to control and manipulate and just let it be..... very hard to do and it was the first time anyone had ever evoked such an emotional reaction in me. But I learned from this painful experience that allowing anyone to evoke a vacuum of emotional need in you are the very people we learn the most from. The one thing we need to do is control our emotions and not allow them to have control over us.

We do not have the power to control anyone except ourselves. We sometimes also want others simply because our ego's are injured that they do not want us in the same way, or time frame that we want them in and that makes us want them more, so we need to examine Why we might want this person in the first place.

The effort and energy that we put out when we are SO focused on one person, will always mess it up, we cannot focus on someone so much that it takes all of time, effort and energy and not have it bounce back in some ways to make them *feel* it and that kind of focus is scary to deal with, kind of like a dog sensing that we are afraid of them, they might not know what makes them uncomfortable, they will just know that it does..... which may cause them to pull away......

So..... my best advice is let it go........ as they say in Ireland, what is for you, will NOT pass you by...... simple to say, so very hard to do...and what you lose in falsely maintaining a non viable relationship is gained ten times over in self esteem...I can promise you that............

Joan

Expectations.......

DruidsGlenTarot — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 18:47:00 GMT

They are always going to get us into trouble, because while we are busy having them, others are busy catering to their own agenda which does not include our expectations of them and are blissfully unaware of our expectations of them.....

In order to get what we want ( or expect) we have to identify our expectations, first to ourselves and then to the person we have them of... And even doing that gives us no guarantee that our expectations of that person will ever be met.

We may want people to be able to read our minds....it's just not possible for them to do so....and know and be aware of what we want or need from them, saying it straight out could bring what we want or need from others....

We have expectations of our friends, loyalty, is one major one that will not always be met....

We have expectations of our lovers, loyalty, having similiar goals for the relationship, honest and open communication, which again may not always be met.....

We have expectations of readers, honesty, accuracy and that the predictions come true.... those expectations may not always be met either.

How much responsibility do we have to assume in these expectations not being met? Have we been loyal to those friends we expect loyalty of ? Have we met these friends for a lesson in our lives? Do we expect more of others than we are willing to give? Have we been honest with ourselves about the clues we are getting from our lover? Are we open and honest in our communication? Are we passive aggressive in manipulating them to push our own time frame and agenda on the relationship? Do we snoop on them? Do we violate and abuse their boundaries? DO we expect too much, too soon? Do we push when we do not get it? Are we unrealistic in our expectations? Do we lie, cheat and manipulate to get what we want? If we are busy doing that, can we entertain the possibly the other person is doing the same? After all we attract what we are into our circles and lives....

Are we honest with our advisor? Do we expect them to be all knowing and seeing? Is that realistic? Do we not have to take responsibility for the choices and actions we make or take that may affect an outcome after any reading we have? Do YOU plan the day and time you are going to make a phone call? I know that I do not. Is it not unrealistic to expect another to accuratly predict the day, hour and minute that another person will pick up a phone?

Use your readings to get a glimpse of what has the potential to happen not what is going to happen to the minute detail, as things will never ( altough I should never say never) happen exactly as they are predicted, it just does not work that way...... in my humble opinion..... but I wish it did :-)

Joan

Readings are like Jello.......

DruidsGlenTarot — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:57:00 GMT

in the sense that they are not solid, they are loose, as life is not ever fully defined, and having strict definition can limit ones choices ( well jello is defined but only when it's contained in a bowl :-) and that leaves wiggle room for all parties concerned. I don't know about you but I personally like a little wiggle room.

Jello is easy because there is so little to add to make it, it's not a complicated process...... so it is not necessary to try to take control of the process, in fact too much fussing and the jello might not set.... so just let things BE and try not to meddle, or you will make the jello messy ( and no one likes messy jello) Nice clean jello that is not disturbed like the top of a calm lake is great to dig your spoon into...

Do not get too many readings or you might pollute the jello, and no one wants to have jello that is a mixture of too many colors it just looks dirty and if you get too many readings your energy is clouded and you can be hard to read for.

Have faith that if you leave the jello alone it will set by itself, it can set by itself, it has the technology to do that, try to remember that life is like that, and so are readings and once you start meddling ( getting way too many readings) and be honest with yourself and do not check the refrigerator constantly ( get daily or bi-daily readings to check in daily) to see if the Jello is setting, just know that once left alone that Jello will set and all will be well, you just have to have faith ( and boiling water)........:-)

Joan

Reminder :-)

DruidsGlenTarot — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 15:09:00 GMT

I will be gone from early this afternoon Wednesday 10th December but I will be back on and available on Wednesday December 17th, I do apologize for the inconvenience....
And I look forward to being of assistance to you when I return
Joan

Availability...

DruidsGlenTarot — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:02:00 GMT

I will not be available next week from Wednesday am early next weekuntil the following Wednesday December 17th December as I will be travelling to London and Dublin to attend a funeral for my aunt Rose who was born in Tipperary, Ireland and died at the ripe old age of 86 in London, England and will be buried on Friday of Next week. And while there I plan to attend a birthday party for my mothers 80th birthday in Dublin while I am in Europe.
Apologies for the inconvenience, but I do need to attend both events.....

Joan

Don't Lie to me.... The Mirror Does not Lie

DruidsGlenTarot — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 03:02:00 GMT

Have you Learned to be Honest with YOURself? Have you learned to look in the mirror and be honest ? It is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Boy is that a hard thing to do in a relationship context. Are you having to work too hard to make the relationship happen?

Is there panic after you have seen him and now you do not have plans to see him again?

Do you panic when you call him and he does not pick up?

Do you call and keep calling if he does not pick up right away?

Do you have to manipulate things to get to see him? Are you being honest with yourself about what you want in this?

Are you settling for crumbs?

All of that activity increases focus on a situation, it increases panic, it increases the tension which people can pick up and while they might not be able to put their finger on what the tension is it can make people uncomfortable and make them pull back. Is any relationship worth selling yourself out for ? Worth settling? Worth your own self esteem? Believe you me it will cost you in the long term.

Try to just let it be, try not to allow that panicked feeling to affect you, it is not normally the reality of the situation and try to have faith that if you just leave it alone that the person will seek you out, will put the effort and energy into the relationship. If you have to insinuate yourself into the life of someone then it is not an equal partnership, it is not reciprocal, and you are training them badly that if they just passive agressively go along with you as long as it suits them to do so. And that pattern will continue and the longer it goes on ( you doing all the work and your resentment building because you are doing all the work) the harder that pattern is to break.

Like an older brother of mine once said *I'm just a boy who can't say No!* SO if you do all the work, they can just sit back and allow it to happen without taking responsibility for anything....because they CAN and we allow it...

There is no shame in admitting this to yourself, there is shame in allowing it to continue and the price you end up paying is expensive on your soul because you KNOW that you are selling yourself short.

You do not even have to admit this to anyone else because you might not be ready to but admitting it to yourself is the first step and that first step is the most important one....

Joan

Don't Fear the Basher....

DruidsGlenTarot — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:02:00 GMT

First off let me say.... I do not much care for labels, it gives you a false idea that might not be accurate about a someone, it pre-judges and pre-supposes your interaction before it happens. Labeling means you do not take this person as they are, you have already decided what and how your interaction will go. Whether you are optimistic about it or pessimistic about it, you will always be right.

Was I ever a basher? Nah, but I well could have been as could anyone who calls, it is their right to express your opinion no matter how negative on the interaction. Was I a difficult client? Yes I sure was, I got emotional, and called way too much for way too long so I can relate.

What makes a basher? Bashers don't just happen, they evolve. They start out calling one or two readers, GREAT NEWS! He's your soulmate, he's leaving his wife, he's going to marry you, buy you a ring, and it's all MARVELLOUS. It's ALL good until time goes on with not much changing.

And then after a while, he's not acting like your soulmate, he's still with his wife and he ain't buying no ring that many readers saw........ So you call more and more, too much in fact, so much that it makes it hard to get an accurate reading, all the while spending more money. It becomes a habit, and yet nothing is happening? Why can that happen? It does happen and that is the problem. There is no one answer to why readings do not manifest. Each case is different. It could be as simple as meddling by the caller in the situation. Someone getting impatient so they manipulate, they cajole, they passive agressively try to control the pace or the relationship. They yell, threaten, they say things they do not mean, and do not follow through...until they are not being taken seriously by the other person. They may have trained their partner to expect them to do all the work and then get MAD when they ARE doing all the work, so easy to happen and harder to undo once done. It's OK to hold back, allow the other person to do SOME of the work. The predictions might not manifest because of someone changing their mind ( I don't know about you but I want to be able to change my mind at any time about anything). It could be as simple as that, no one fits all answer.

I have no idea why the feedback issue evokes such strong emotions. I have thousands of unrated calls, but feedback is not my focus, so I do not ask for it, I find that unprofessional. Normally the bad feedback is more about the caller than the advisor, unless the advisor acted inappropriately during the interaction. I never presume that a few bad feedbacks left by a caller will result in me being left bad feedback being left for me. I also never presume that I will always be right, that is just not possible, I strive for the best reading each time I sign on and I never sign on if I do not feel that I can give my best. So I will take that call, even from someone who has been known to leave bad feedback, and I will do my best to give a good, solid, honest, and accurate reading to the best of my ability. I know that behind the bad feedback may be months or years of pain and I can relate.

Two people will never experience an interaction the same way, does that make either of them wrong? No, it does not but if you pay for something, you have the right to be satisfied with what you have paid for which is so much more difficult with something so difficult to quantify and measure.

I know that it's normally when you have given up the emotional attachment to what you want that it comes, and it comes because you have taken your eye off the kettle (situation) allowing it to boil and that is when it boils ( happens).

The universe has a quirky sense of humor and sometimes things happen in such a way that you could NEVER have forseen, never have guessed and no matter HOW many readings you got, it just did not happen the way you imagined... I suppose I would hate to know everything, it might spoil the fun, spoil you life in ways that if you knew everything it might change YOU, might change YOUR behavior. Who REALLY knows all the answers, I KNOW that I don't.... my head hurts from all the pondering....

Joan

Great Article posted on yahoo

DruidsGlenTarot — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 12:12:00 GMT

Interesting take on how many of us strive for the *soulmate* ( and I CRINGE when I hear that most over used word that creates unrealistic expectations within many).
Like Dr Phil says, *do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?*
And he reckons that 80% of what you want in what you want in a relationship....
Highly recommend this article, well written, and while many may not agree with it, it certainly makes you look at relationships from a different perspective....
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/the-good-enough-marriage

Joan

Lost in Translation......

DruidsGlenTarot — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:10:00 GMT

When the words do not match the actions...things can get lost in translation...
The Passive aggressive man is a perfect example....
He says he does not want a relationship.....now that word can mean different things to different people...
Being passive aggressive in these kinds of cases normally gets the mans/woman's needs met and can lead to frustration to the woman....
What I don't want a relationship normally means the man/woman is saying is...
*I am not willing to give you all the normal things that go along with relationships*
I am not willing to explain where I am or who I am with to you.
I am not willing to be monogamous with you.
I am not willing to see you daily or nightly.
I am not willing to call you daily, or contact you daily.
I am not willing to tell you if I was with someone else.
You MAY complain BUT if you are still sleeping with me, I cannot take your grumblings seriously.
I only have to wait a day or two, you will have calmed down, I can call you then and we can resume.
I KNOW you want more.
I KNOW you are willing to *put up with me* because no matter how you grumble I end up in your bed.....
SO how can I take what you say seriously?

What we need to KNOW about these kinds of cases IS:
They do NOT happen overnight....
You played a part in allowing it to grow into that pattern.
Your fear is allowing this to continue how it is because you are afraid of losing this person.
It is not only HIS words that need to match his actions....YOUR words also need to match your ACTIONS.
At times you must be willing to lose something or someone you do not have in order to truly have what you want in a situation.
And it AIN'T easy.......
But Boy does your very soul love it when you draw that boundary and KEEP to it.... because what you lose by allowing it to continue when you are not happy because you are afraid is your very soul....and it can seep into the very essence of what makes you, YOU and you feel valueless....

Joan

Allowing bad treatment, not good, knowing your value PRICELESS.....

DruidsGlenTarot — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:37:00 GMT

Why are things really simple to *see* for ourselves when we take the emotion out of the equation....and most times it's easier to see for others because we do not have that emotional investment. We do not have the emotional cloud that blinds us and prevents us from seeing clearly through our rose colored glasses.

However most of the times we want things and relationships because they are, appear or act harder to get for us and the things we can *have* easily are not as attractive to us. Why is that ? We probably apply more value to things and situations that make us work harder as if to earn them if that makes sense. It's sort of like the prada and kmart pocket book, I know that I could have many kmart pocket books ( we call them handbags in Ireland ) any day and yet I do not want them, what DO I want? The Prada one.... and when and it's rarely I use it, it goes back into it's special bag and it has more value to me because I had to work hard to get it. And I suppose as a mother it was hard for me to give in and actually buy the gosh darn thing.....but that's a whole other tangent we won't tackle now...

SO when you are in a relationship, try to remember your value and your uniqueness and it is only when we apply that value to ourselves that we get treated in the manner that we deserve to be treated. If we do not value ourselves then how can we possibly expect others to? Somehow, some way people have an instinct to know if we do not know our own value. It's like putting a dog into a room with ten people, the dog will always be able to tell who is afraid of it and somehow is attracted to that very person who is afraid and might not want that dog near them.

Things don't normally start out badly in any relationship, they progress to not being as good because we allow them to. We don't see that at the time until we actually wake up and realize things are not what they once were. And then we wonder, how did this happen? Well easily, patterns are easily formed and harder to break but they can be broken. We just have to know that we cannot change others, what we can do is change ourselves and others are forced to change to deal with us. The hard part of that is that we have to say what we mean and mean what we say, no drama, no ultimatums ( unless we mean them) and boy is THAT the HARD part, and YES this IS work. But it can be done, we only have to see it first, and that's half the issue. But the value of that lesson is priceless to your soul.....

Joan

Does your Reader............

DruidsGlenTarot — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 01:47:00 GMT

Go above and beyond for you?
Do they finish your reading ( or even sentence or thought IF the call ends abruptly?)
Do they send follow up emails?
Do they send free minutes?
Do they bash other readers or readings?
Do they break the confidentiality of other callers or readings?
Do they take responsibility when their predictions do not manifest?
Do they try to look above and beyond the issue at hand?
Do you feel as if they genuinely care about you and not just when you are spending money to call?
Do they keep their listings at a reasonable price?
Do they change their prices each time you seek them out for a reading?

Only YOU can judge a reader or a reading and as a consumer it is up to you to be smart in who you call and use your money and time wisely when you call...

Here is to great Readings :-)
Joan