Constantine's Corner

From Zero to Hero

Jon Constantine — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:21:00 GMT

Lately I've been receiving a lot of calls from clients who are either in a state of ambivalence, or have been the victims of the very devastating situation of having gone from idealization to devaluation. To help people who are either going through this process or have born the brunt of it, I'm going to provide a more detailed explanation of just how it works.

Before we begin I'd like to say that I'm using the gender references as the female who experiences the trauma and begins idealizing and devaluing and the male who is the focus of this because it is statistically more common. However, this is in no way to imply that women are not idealized and devalued by men. So please feel free to substitute gender references wherever appropriate.

Love is an extremely complex emotion. There are individuals who have been seriously damaged by love. It could have been an abusive parent, abandonment, the abrupt and unexpected loss of a loved one, or a horrendously hurtful event in a relationship. I’m not talking about a broken heart or disappointment. I’m talking about a serious trauma that would literally mess anybody up.

This generally occurs very early in life – sometimes in childhood, or, in the case of a relationship issue, at the beginning of the person’s romantic life. Whatever the specific incident, this person gave another person power over her and that power was abused. Therefore, to prevent this from happening in the future, she needs a defense mechanism to become impervious to the whims, needs and decisions of others. This is the defense mechanism called idealization.

Idealization

The core of the fantasy is that the hurt of the trauma will be erased by meeting the perfect romantic partner. This will bring an undying, all conquering love, a perpetual courtship phase, and transform the person’s life into heaven on earth. Because of the desperation to fill the void, usually the first member of the opposite sex to show interest when the person is “available” or “between partners” will be selected.

Once selected, this person will be viewed as perfect. If he looks like Quasimodo and she sees him as devastatingly handsome, anyone who disagrees will be deemed as crazy, or, more likely, jealous. In the case of a high-functioning idealizer you’ll simply be deemed as having bad taste. If he’s a total bore she sees him as witty and charming, if he’s a jerk she sees him as kind and considerate, etc. In other words, she is in total denial of his negative qualities, and all humans have negative qualities.

These individuals are very dangerous because people fall in love with them very quickly. They lavish attention and feelings on a person, and being the recipient of such a loving and all-consuming attitude is not just comforting and flattering, it can be overwhelming. And usually, the unsuspecting recipient does not realize that he was selected at random to play a character in a fairy tale, and has been assigned qualities he may or may not have.

Unfortunately, the fall is inevitable. Sooner or later, he will disappoint (as all humans must from time to time) or an incident will occur that will disillusion her. He may criticize her or stand up to her narcissistic demands and try to set boundaries. He may get sick or have work obligations. It doesn’t matter. The slightest criticism is taken as an all-out assault on the foundation of her existence and circumstances beyond his control are evidence of imperfection. At this point, the phase called ambivalence is triggered.

Ambivalence

Ambivalence is a very painful state for a person engaging in idealization because the feeling of “it’s not supposed to be like this” sets in. It is the realization that everything is not perfect; so the fairy tale is not going according to script. Therefore, she starts to question her feelings.

If she is not in love with him, he can be discarded very quickly. If she did fall in love with him, it creates a dilemma. In ambivalence she’s not sure if she loves him, but equally unsure if she doesn’t. She is incredibly confused because love is a reality-based experience and idealization is a fantasy. She can’t understand why she misses and is still drawn to this imperfect creature. Because she can’t integrate her feelings, it’s a very painful situation and she needs to end the pain.

The only way to do that is to find a replacement object to idealize. Therefore, virtually the first person to show interest in this stage is pulled in and tossed up on the pedestal as the new object of idealization. And, for the former occupant of the pedestal, things are about to get rough.

Devaluation

The former “love object” is now faced with the opposite extreme of devaluation. She needs to justify her decision and actions and, therefore, must view the previous object as all bad. Whom she once found attractive she now sees as ugly and even disgusting. Whom she once found charming she now sees as conniving and untrustworthy. She is in complete denial of his good qualities and may even go into complete denial that she ever had any feelings.

An irrational hatred sets in, and any attempt to mend fences is futile. Contact will be viewed as an annoyance. “Why are you bothering me? Don’t you realize you’ve been replaced?” He must realize he is completely flawed and worthless, as must others.

Warning Signals

A person capable of going from idealization to devaluation is characterized by the following warning signals.

A history of having found “the one” and never having been more sure of anything in her life.
Overly sensitive to real or imagined slights.
Talks in extremes. (i.e., “I look gorgeous.” “I look disgusting.”)
Extremely good social skills (i.e., magnetic personality, very likeable and disarming, etc.)
Talks and actions are opposite extremes. (For example talks about efficiency and time management but lies in bed for hours. Talks like a leader but is very easily led.)
Dramatic mood swings.
The center of the universe. (i.e., everything others do is for her benefit, to get her attention, to have an impact on her, etc.)

Final Words

It’s important to remember that this is not about love. Love is not a fantasy that becomes a reality or another person filling your needs. Real love is unconditional, and it’s all about caring about a person in spite of her or his imperfections, facing challenges together, and working together to turn around the things that disappoint.

Being devalued is not being rejected. It’s simply being on the receiving end of a wounded person’s desperate attempt to erase the pain caused by confused feelings. It's hard to accept that you were only an actor in another person's play, but it's important to realize there is nothing wrong with you, you were not taken advantage of, you were not rejected or dumped for someone else, and you didn't do anything wrong.

7 Tools for a Great Reading

Jon Constantine — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 19:13:00 GMT

There are several differences between getting a reading in person or over the phone and connecting with an on-line psychic. The major difference is, in person, you’ve paid for a block of time, it doesn’t matter if you go a little over, and that’s how much time you get.
In the context of an on-line reading, you’re being billed by the minute. This you want to get to the heart of the matter instantly and dispense with casual formalities. In many cases, an on-line reader may be better at this because an experienced on-line reader has developed the talent for tuning in and getting to the point in milliseconds.
The following is a list of seven tools you can use to get a great on-line reading, and the information you want:
1. BEGIN WITH A BRIEF SUMMARY. There are some readers who prefer to work from just a name. I can do this, but I find that with no information, a lot of very general things come through and it eats up a lot of time. By summarizing I don’t mean give everything away; I mean give the reader the background of the situation and allow her/him to tune in quickly.
2. ASK SPECIFIC QUESTIONS. This also helps us cut to the chase. For example, if you just say, “Tell me about Steve,” you get a general overview of Steve. On the other hand, if you say, “About six months ago I met this guy named Steve. We started dating and it was going really well, then he started sending me mixed signals, running hot and cold, and now he seems reluctant to move forward. What’s up with that?” you find out what you want to know.
3. DON’T BE UPSET IF THE ADVISOR ASKS QUESTIONS. Some people think a true psychic is all-seeing and all-knowing. Often we will ask you questions to confirm that we are picking up correctly and connecting. When you tell a doctor your complaint, a good doctor already has a lot of information, but he/she will still ask some diagnostic questions to zero in on the problem. You’ll be able to tell the difference between a genuine psychic’s diagnostic questions and someone fishing for information.
4. DON’T PLAY “TEST THE PSYCHIC.” Unless you like to test psychics as a hobby, this is a waste of money. Just as a professional athlete can run faster or jump higher, but not fly, a good psychic is gifted but not all-seeing and all-knowing. If you give a bloodhound the wrong shoe, the bloodhound will lead you to the wrong person. That doesn’t mean it’s not a good tracker.
5. BE AWARE THAT YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR. There are psychics who will tell you what you want to hear. Some fear making you angry, others simply hand callers a basket of roses as a general practice. But most of the time, a professional advisor feels he/she has an obligation to tell you what he/she is seeing and feeling, whether it’s good news or not. It is not good to take away someone’s hope, but it is even worse to raise false hopes.
6. TAKE NOTES. Often, during the course of a reading, you may find yourself in a relaxed state of consciousness, and have difficulty recalling what was said later on. Always have pen and paper at hand to jot down key points.
7. DON’T BE UPSET IF WHAT YOU HEAR IS CONTRARY TO YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF THE “FACTS.” The advisor may be seeing things that are unknown to you at the time. You would be surprised how many readings end with, “That’s just not possible,” and how many follow-up readings begin with, “I never would have believed it.”
I would like close by saying that these are my own suggestions based on my personal experiences. Another advisor may disagree or prefer to work differently. But I find that, by using these tools, a client can save a great deal of time and, therefore, money.

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

How to Get Anything You Want Without Really Trying

Jon Constantine — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:16:00 GMT

Ever since The Secret hit the stands and video stores, the laws of attraction have received public attention as if this were something new. People in the metaphysical world know that it’s just a nice repackaging of concepts that have been around forever.

At the same time, a lot of people think that it offers an easy way. That the real title should be, “How to Get Anything You Want Without Really Trying.” Uh-uh. It’s not quite the magic lamp, folks.

The underlying concept is that your reality is a product of your belief. So if you believe you are a giraffe, you’ll be a giraffe (just kidding). But while the idea that we create our own reality may be true, it does not take into account that we did not create ourselves. We are the products of many factors: our genetics, our parents, where we grew up, childhood and early adulthood experiences, etc. These factors gave us our personalities, hopes and fears, and we can’t just will them to change or go away.

We’ve all heard the fact that many lottery winners somehow are conned out of their winnings or squander them and return to their original circumstances within two years. Sadly, we are aware that many people who grew up witnessing abuse end up in abusive relationships. The reason is that we, as humans, are more comfortable with what we’re used to, even if what we’re used to is not what we want. Just as the lottery winner is in a comfort zone of poverty, due to familiarity, the person who witnessed abuse as a child may equate abuse with love.

These manifestations are not conscious manifestations or desires. They are the result of programmed, reflexive response. It isn’t realistic to think you can wake up one morning and say, “Okay, it’s going to be different now,” and all that programming is just going to go away.

So the question is: How do you use the Laws of Attraction or create a manifestation if a lifetime of programming is working against you? The answer is to manifest your desires in realistic steps, which you, as the person you are today, can accept.

Say we have a woman who has a problem holding down a job. So one day she’s sitting in Starbucks reading her copy of The Secret. Ah, now she knows! She creates her own reality, and her thoughts and belief control that reality. So since she needs a job, she’ll just manifest one. “So,” she thinks, “since I can be anything I want...let's see...president of the United States, noooo...CEO of a multinational corporation, nah...I know! Queen of the Universe!"

So five minutes later do the aliens arrive and proclaim her, and is she stressing out choosing coronation robes? I wouldn't bet on it. Because it was an unrealistic jump from point A, which she's used to, to a vastly different point B.

What she can do is set realistic goals. First, she can analyze her work history and see the pattern, and where it began. Say she was fired from her first job at 16 unexpectedly, that created a fear of getting fired, so she manifested that fear throughout her work history.

Understanding this pattern, she can make an effort to create new behaviors that will create new results. Then she has to set realistic goals and steps that are within reach. From point A to a realistic point B, then to a point C that may not be attainable (in her conditioned belief system) from point A, but would be from point B. In other words, possibly she sees a recruiting notice at Starbucks, starts working as a cashier, then works to manifest a promotion to manager, and then district manager, and so on.

The other thing that is frequently not factored in is how our goals and desires impact on others. We have to respect the free will and boundaries of other people. There is a rebound effect for harming another. For example, say Jim wants a job like George’s. So he tries to manifest George’s job. George gets fired. There will be consequences. On the other hand, Jim manifests something similar, with harm to none, he’s doing fine.

Say Sally wants Bill, but Bill is with Sandy. If Sally tries to manifest Bill leave Sandy for her, she’s not only attacking Sandy, but she’s violating Bill’s free will. On the other hand, Sally can try to manifest to make herself the perfect woman for Bill, and allow Bill to choose according to his free will. Or, better yet, she can manifest the perfect life partner for herself, according to free will, without naming names or focusing on anyone specific.

In other words, like everything else in the world, it is not enough simply to read about the Laws of Attraction and easily put them into action. It requires a thorough understanding of the dynamics of how this reality functions, an assessment of your own limitations, and moving forward in realistic steps.

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

Psychic Readings and Inconsistencies

Jon Constantine — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 19:01:00 GMT

I have written on this subject before, but I have received many requests to expound on the subject, so here goes:

One of the banes of a professional psychic advisor’s job is listening to responses like, “Well, I spoke with so-and-so and she said just the opposite,” or “That’s not what you told me six months ago.” Generally, when people are seeking answers, they have a tendency to repeat questions or to seek out second and third (or fourth or fifth) opinions. This is normal and reasonable. But it is not always reasonable to expect the information to be consistent.
There are many reasons for inconsistencies. Obviously, the surface reason is someone can just be wrong. But it is possible that more than one could be right. And it is possible that even the same psychic may contradict him/herself.
The biggest problem, as always is human nature. If you’re calling to ask about another person, it’s important to realize that people, and their feelings, are not fixed in stone. Human beings are not consistent, and they are also subject to other forces in their lives, such as work or family problems, which can take their focus in another direction. So it’s quite possible to contact one psychic who will tell you, “Bill is thinking about you all the time,” and a week later it’s possible to hear, “Sorry, but Bill is totally preoccupied with his work now.”
In that people are not consistent with their feelings, it is also possible to feel differently about a person on different days. Haven’t you ever been attracted to more than one person, and, depending on your mood or what happened during your last contact, the front runner changed from time to time?
The other problem, and I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs, is that a psychic does not hear a big booming voice that speaks with clarity, “This is going to happen on this day at this hour.” We receive input through impression, and often it is up to us to interpret the information. So the initial psychic impression, or image may be the same, but two different consultants may be interpreting it differently.
There is also the matter of how a person, as an individual, sees things. For example, Psychic A may see Dick breaking up with Jane as when Dick makes the decision. Psychic B might see it as when he tells her, while Psychic C may see it as when Jane moves out. All three are correct, but because each one interprets “break up” a little differently, you can get drastically different time frames.
The final area, and this gets touchy, is there is also the possibility of free will or random event intervention. Three psychics, for example, may see you and Bill taking a nice vacation together. They have no way of seeing the purely random event of the neighbor kid leaving his skateboard in front of Bill’s door, and Bill ending up in physical therapy for three months.
If you’re confused by inconsistent information, it’s a good idea to be direct about it with your advisor. A professional will not be threatened by other advisors or become angry or jealous. In fact many (including myself) encourage second opinions. Ask the advisor for a clarification or, if you’re really confused, get a clarification reading to put everything in perspective. Very often the information may be more consistent than it first seems.
NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

LOVE SPELLS -- And Other Great Ways to Completely Mess Up Your Life

Jon Constantine — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 19:58:00 GMT

Recently I haven’t had much of a chance to do on-line readings due to my travel schedule. Fortunately, from now until the end of the year, I should be in one place and more available. Unfortunately, during my brief returns, I noticed three common threads occurring, and they seem to be growing.
In all three of these threads I have found a common denominator: some form of love spell or ritual was performed, or an attempt was made to manifest or manipulate the feelings of another person in violation of free will. In some cases, the individual employed the services of another to “force” the affection of the intended. In other cases, the individual utilized basic tools like image candles or visualization or manifestation techniques. In every case, the individual ends up dreadfully unhappy, and creating chaos in his/her life, and the life of the victim.
Yes, I did say “victim.” The other person is indeed a victim as the reality is that spellwork or manifestation techniques for the purpose of interfering with another person’s feelings or life is a form of cursing. And the person who engages in these activities is subject to the same karmic effects and law of return as if they had intentionally placed a curse on another person.
The first thread is I get frequent calls from individuals whose interpersonal relationships are completely going awry. Significant others sending mixed signals, bad luck all the way around and financial problems, which lead to relationship problems. While there could be many reasons for this, let’s say for the purposes of this blog we examine the situation and find external, meddling energy involved.
What this means is a man or woman is going about his or her life. Another party enters and there is an attraction, perhaps even a relationship. It doesn’t work out, or if it is working, it’s not working to the satisfaction of the other party. So he/she decides to help it along. First, we’re beginning with an attempt to bend the free will of another, but it doesn’t stop there. It also affects the lives of rivals (and as much as people hate rivals, it doesn’t give us the right to attack them) and it affects the natural progression of things. Since everything is interconnected, the victim’s life soon deteriorates into a chaotic mess.
The second thread is where a caller doesn’t understand negative feelings. There is an individual that he/she knows, maybe even liked; there could have even been an attraction at one time, or maybe a relationship. Now the individual can’t stand that person; in fact, he/she may even feel a deep revulsion for the individual.
Again, upon examination, we find the other party did some work to manifest feelings in the other person. There are many self-help books out there, many words of encouragement, and many “ready made kits” and such, but for some reason none of them tell the complete truth: You cannot interfere with another’s free will without serious consequences. I cannot tell you that many of these things are sucker bait or they don’t work because some of them do. But they only produce temporary results, and there is a karmic rebound effect. That effect is that generally the person wants to head for the hills and have nothing to do with you.
The third thread is that a normally adjusted person will be obsessed over a relationship issue. I’m not talking about obsessive personalities, or someone who is just crazy about another person and fixated. I’m talking about an unhealthy obsession where the individual can’t think about anything else, like an addiction, and often is risking (or has already lost) finances, job, family, etc. Yet when I scan the person, the person does not normally have these tendencies.
Again, this is the threefold law of return in action. What you put out comes back to you three times over (some say seven while others make it – gulp! – ten!). So when you violate another person’s rights and free will in attempt to force feelings on them, when it comes back to you, you’re going to have three times the feelings for that person. In short, the stuff of obsession and self-damaging behavior.
Think of it like this. People are like trees. It takes no energy to maintain them in their normal state. It takes a lot of force to bend the tree out of its normal state, and more force to hold it there. Eventually, you either break the tree, or you cannot hold it there and you let go. When you let go, it snaps back fast and hard. And if you’re standing in the way, you can get hurt. Interfering with free will is identical.
So this leads to a couple of questions. First, if you have innocently bought into the love spell or manifestation situation, how do you make it right? The first and most important step is to neutralize what you’ve done. If you’ve used spellwork or earth magic, often a simple gray candle burned with the intent to neutralize can do the trick. If you’ve used manifestation techniques, a frequent affirmation like, “I withdraw all energies I may have, intentionally or unintentionally inflicted upon X, and I dissolve and release them with harm to none.” It may require several daily manifestations of this to put the energy right, but you will also see immediate change in your own life.
The next question is, of course, isn’t there anything you can do if the object of your affection isn’t responding? Well, sadly, sometimes not. Sometimes it’s best to move on and other times the timing just isn’t right. But there are certain things you can do. For example, you cannot cast a spell to force Joe to love you, but you can do something on yourself to make yourself more the type of person to whom Joe would be attracted.
My words here should not scare anybody off, or make anyone feel dreadful consequences. Manifestation of desires is positive as long as it does not harm others. This is why I always recommend closing with, “According to free will, for the good of all, with harm to none, and so it must be.”
As long as you attain what you want without harming another person (and impinging on free will is harm), you don’t have to worry about any rebound effect.

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

Love, Relationships and Psychic Readings

Jon Constantine — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 21:50:00 GMT

There is no touchier area for an advisor (except possibly when dealing with a person with a serious illness) than the area of love and relationships. Of course, this is logical since it's the one area where a person lacks control; his or her happiness depends on the response of another person.

This is also the area where it is very risky for an advisor. The reason is that most people (believe it or not there are some exceptions) don't call to say, "I just thought I'd spend five bucks a minute to tell you how wonderful my relationship is going." They call because they have relationship issues. Relationships issues translate to anxiety. And people going through anxiety are A) Wanting to hear the truth and B) Want to hear what they want to hear.

Obviously, this can set up a real conflict if the truth is not what you want to hear. But many individuals are calling to relieve the anxieties they're feeling. So, while they do want the truth, often the truth may increase these anxieties.

Now, let's add another ingredient to the mix. In addition to the anxiety factor, there is also the notorious free-will issue. Things that are on course can be modified at any time not just by random events, not just by one person's free will, but by two sets of free will.

As I pointed out in my previous blog, "The Free Will Cop Out" (click here to read), there are individuals who become very angry over the idea that a prediction can change because someone might make a decision. But it's a fact of life. Even the most accurate psychic can only give you a projected outcome based on the assumption that things will stay on the current course.

So much of the reliability of the prediction does not rest so much on the accuracy of the psychic, but on the consistency of the people involved. If, for example, you're involved with someone who pretty much stays on target, it's going to be an easy call. If, on the other hand, the person is fickle, flighty or changeable, it's tougher.

The other part of the equation is the question as to why the person had relationship issues. The normal, well adjusted person doesn't wake up one morning, see the sun shining and say, "What a great day to start a dysfunctional relationship!" The normal, well-adjusted person can (and often does) get into a karmic situation, or get emotionally involved before he/she knows how difficult it's going to be. Other times, a person's behavior is suspicious and it's time to call Jon Ventura, Significant Other Detective.

But there are also people who have relationship issues for more difficult reasons. Some people have self-worth issues, so they're into downward bonding. Others are addicted to drama. Some, who grew up watching patterns of abuse, equate abuse with love.

Then we have the saddest category -- the person who has relationship issues or problems because he/she happens to be a very unpleasant person. Most of the individuals we refer to as "bashers" (people who call multiple psychics and leave untrue and malicious feedback) are calling about relationship issues. Then you read the vicious things they say and your first reaction is, "And the guy headed for the hills? Go figure."

So, if it's difficult to get accurate predictions, if it could cause anxiety, or if you've come to the sudden epiphany, "Hey, I wonder if my being mean and angry has something to do with why they never call?" then that leaves the question: Why consult with a psychic over a relationship at all?"

There are several reasons. The first, obviously, is therapy. It feels good to talk it out with someone who is objective and noninvolved. It feels good to get insights from someone who has counseled literally hundreds of people in similar situations.

The second reason is that it may set your mind at rest. Now, granted, if you want peace of mind, you might end up with a "tell 'em what they want to hear" psychic when you really want the truth. But if you find someone who is reliable and does not sugarcoat, at least you're going to find out one way or the other.

But the main reason is to get the advantage in the situation. Knowledge is power, and the more you know, the more control over your situation you have. A good empathy can give you a detailed description of what makes another person tick, what to do, and what not to do to turn the tide in your favor. A talented clairvoyant can give you a situational overview, so you know exactly where you stand and where it's headed.

And, who knows? A lot of the time problems are fixable. A good advisor can be the one to help you know when it's time to lay low, when it's time to move on, or when it's time to move forward.

Good luck!

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

The Free-Will Copout

Jon Constantine — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 22:09:00 GMT

One of the most basic laws of both religion and metaphysics (and the overlap) is that all creatures are blessed with free will. That is, we are not controlled like robots or puppets, nor are we like pieces on a chess board. We make our own decisions.

This is why it is very frustrating when I read comments from people seeking psychic advice that free will is some sort of copout or "escape clause" used by psychics to get out of being bound by predictions.

To the vast majority of callers, this statement probably comes as a surprise, as the vast majority of callers contact advisors because they know the future is subject to free will decisions. The idea is to find out if something bad is headed your way, then to use your free will to thwart it. Or, conversely, find out if something good is headed your way, and to use your free will to help it along.

For example, you call me. I say, "I'm sorry, but I see you losing your job." "Why?" you ask. "Well, I see a supervisor is very upset with you because you keep showing up late, and arriving at meetings unprepared." You think about it and agree. So do you simply take a stance of, "Well, Jon said I'm losing my job, no way around it" and continue as you've been doing? Or do you start showing up on time and coming to meetings more prepared, and save your employment?

By the same token, once you realize that the future is mutable due to free will, it's not difficult to reason that, while bad things can be thwarted, good things can be thwarted as well. For example, say you want to know when Bill will call. I see him calling before Friday. Between now and Friday, his ex makes a free will decision to show up unexpectedly and puts him in a bad frame of mind. So he puts off calling you.

Most callers who consult with psychic advisors regularly acknowledge that this can happen. But, believe it or not, there are those who don't seem to be willing to accept this. Some feel that, while bad predictions can be thwarted, good predictions must be written in stone or the psychic is a fraud. Others feel that predictions must be unerring regardless of circumstances.

Advisors are constantly hearing comments like, "Don't give me that free will BS; I want to know EXACTLY what's going to happen and when." We see feedback like, "This didn't happen -- free will? Yeah, right!" Or, in some cases, we see entire diatribes about the whole free will thing being an "easy way of covering tracks."

What intrigues me is that many of the individuals who take this stance are frequently the instruments of thwarting a prediction. Many, upon hearing the prediction modify their behavior, thus modifying the circumstances. "Oh, okay. I'm going to get the job. I don't have to bother sending out resumes." "Well, he saw us together. So I don't have to bother calling."

There are others who frequently accuse the advisor of changing the reading or the forecasts. Yet, if they analyze the situation, they might realize that the energy of the individuals or actions of the individuals have altered the outcome. People are not consistent, and a person who thinks one way one day is liable to think differently another day.

I have always believed that the best way to get the most out of a psychic consultation is to get a thorough understanding of the here and the now, then use that knowledge to modify the future, to the extent you're able, to bring about the desired results. To deny the existence of free will is to deny your own power to shape your future.

NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

Back from the Philippines

Jon Constantine — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 19:29:00 GMT

Just returned from the Philippines. I just wanted to post a quick blog to thank everyone who inquired as to my well-being, and to let everyone know I'm back. I'll be available for consultations beginning Monday, June 11.

And, of course, when I get my feet back on the ground, I'll start blogging again. My usual, opinionated self is finally back home on Keen.

From the Other Side of the World

Jon Constantine — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 05:04:00 GMT

Now going into my second week here in the Philippines, I can honestly say I'm always amazed by the metaphysical knowledge here that is taken for granted. Many island cultures have retained the telepathic facilities that were once available to all of us, that "evolved out" when technology made the abilities unnecessary.

I've been investigating a few phenomena here, and will update in an upcoming blog. One of them is teleportation, where some very old people on the island of Cebu (it is not uncommon here for people to live well into their hundreds, with the physical appearance of people in their seventies) insist that when they were small (which would bring us back to the early 20th century) there were people with the ability to instantly transfer a physical presence to another location.

"Maybe you will t'ink I am crazy," relates one elderly man, "but dis man would say, 'Take my hand and close your eyes.' Den we would take t'ree steps forward, I would feel and intense cold, and when I open my eyes I am on de island."

Another phenomenon is that of anting-anting, a form of spiritual protection used by warriors going into battle.

At the moment, I am reviewing some psychic healers and folk healers with extensive knowledge of herbal medicine. This is an intriguing area because several phony psychic surgeons were "outed" several years ago, and the legitimate healers went underground. I have been fortunate enough to have been introduced to a practitioner of hilot, best described as a Filipino form of Reiki.

I'll be back June 9, and back online the 11th or 12th. I'm very excited about sharing what I've learned. Hope you're all doing well.

Huge Thanks and Travel Schedule

Jon Constantine — Thu, 24 May 2007 18:20:00 GMT

I'd like to start out with a huge heartfelt thanks to all of you who wrote me expressing your concerns and telling me you missed my blogs. It really was touching and the thought counted.

About a month ago I noticed my blood pressure was on the moon. I had never had a chronic hypertension problem, so it baffled me. I was also feeling tired constantly, and only able to give two or three readings a day. Eventually I was diagnosed with a low-grade viral infection, a variation of dengue fever, that needed to run its course.

Shortly thereafter, I was left without phone service for two weeks. A hazard of modern living, every time I tried to get it corrected, I ended up in a call center on the other side of the world and it literally took several hours over the span of three days to get it fixed.

Enough about my troubles. We all have waves from time to time, or we'd never appreciate the good times. I'm more interested in hearing how your lives are going, and how I can help you.

I am back and better than ever. I'll be available for arranged calls today, Thursday the 24th and tomorrow, the 25th. Then I'll be heading off to the Philippines until June 7. I'll be back up and running full time on the 8th.

I look forward to working with you, and again, a thousand thanks to all of you who expressed your concern.

JC

If You Were a Genuine Psychic, You'd Know This!

Jon Constantine — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 00:09:00 GMT

Professional psychics are often stereotyped as something more than we are. There are those who believe that a genuine psychic has access to unlimited universal knowledge, past, present and future.
As I've explained in other blogs, the future hasn't happened yet (Understanding Predictions and Nothing is Written). The best any psychic can do is give you the most likely outcome based on current circumstances, which is usually highly accurate (but can be altered through free will or random events).
However, in terms of the here and now, that's where we can really shine. After all, it's current reality, isn't it? So we should be able to tell you anything, right? The answer is usually, but not always.
Generally, asking a psychic a question is like giving a bloodhound a shoe to sniff. We'll go right to the target without any distractions. However, there are also two circumstances when this does not happen.
The first is when we are deliberately blocked from getting certain information. Sometimes, you're not supposed to have advance knowledge of situations because it would not be in your best interest. Suppose knowing something would happen would cause you to dramatically modify your behavior, and thwart something that is good for you (like slowing down your job hunt because you're told you'll be finding a job).
The other circumstance is when you ask one question, and something that is a priority comes through. For example, I had one client (and this anecdote is repeated with her knowledge and permission) call about a relationship issue. I wasn't getting anything about the object of her affection, but I kept hearing something about her son, and seeing a teenager having a brush with the law. It turned out she did have a son, and later that night he was arrested, with two of his buddies, for trespassing.
There is a circumstance under which psychics may seem dead wrong. However, the reality is that you perceive them as wrong when they are, in fact, correct. For example, one client called for a clarification reading because she'd been told by several psychics to go see this man in another state who had been sending her mixed signals. Yet he turned out to be a total jerk. "How could they all have been wrong?" she wanted to know.
Well, they weren't wrong. She kept asking, "Should I go visit him?" The answer was yes. Because had she not gone, she would have been trapped in this emotional wheel spinning for months. By going to visit him and learning what kind of person he was, she was able to bring it to resolution and be happy.
So to summarize, there can be times when we're not supposed to get information. There can be times when the reading can take an unexpected turn. And there are times when we may seem wrong, but in reality the information was accurate. But it's always for your highest and greatest good.
NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

Nothing is Written

Jon Constantine — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 19:38:00 GMT

It was one of the most awesome scenes in movie history. In Lawrence of Arabia, Lawrence is headed toward Aqaba, and notices that his assistant Gasmin's camel is without a rider. He turns around to go back to look for him, in the deadly Sun's Anvil, which is filled with churning dust storms. His friend Ali implores him not to go back, stating, "Gasmin's time has come. It is written." Lawrence replies, "Nothing is written."

Lawrence does go back through the Sun's Anvil and rescue his assistant. As they arrive at the oasis, the parched, sun-baked Lawrence falls to the ground, looks up proudly, and repeats: "Nothing is written."

Unfortunately (and amazingly) in today's society, there are many who feel that just about everything is foreordained, from stubbing your toe on a rock to meeting your "soulmate."

There is a common misconception that everything has already happened. Sort of like the universe is a book that's already been written, and we're merely characters acting out our roles. Therefore, it should be easy for a "real psychic" to beam forward a year or two, take a look at your life, and come back and say, "Yes, Jim called you on February 4, 2008 at 3:15 PM Eastern Standard Time."

Now, if this is your belief, when's the last time you saw a headline reading, "Psychic Wins Lottery"? I mean, wouldn't it be a piece of cake for the great Jon Constantine to fast forward a month, see the winning numbers, and run to 7-11 to pick up a few mil? Noooope! There's a problem with the future -- it hasn't happened yet. Lottery numbers fall at random. Since they will fall at random in a future that has not happened yet, they cannot be predicted with any degree of accuracy. So you're stuck with me for a while.

The problem is there are many people who want to eat their cake and have it too. "I see you losing you're job," say I. "Yes, you're without a job." "Why?" you ask. "Your boss is upset over you coming in late. He's fed up with it." So you figure, "That's an easy one" and start showing up early and working hard. The prediction is thwarted, your job is safe. Maybe you even get a raise.

The other side of the coin is, "When is Larry going to call?' "He hasn't decided yet." "What do you mean? Look ahead; when do you see him calling me?" "That's up to him. He will call, but he hasn't decided whether to call before or after the weekend." "Oh, the free-will copout."

The way it generally works is like this: About fifty percent of your life is controlled directly by free-will -- yours and that of the people in your life. About 25 percent is destiny, or things that you can't change. This can include meeting certain people with whom you have "agreements," your genetics, where you were born, etc. The other 25 percent is random events; i.e., being in the right place at the right time, the luck of the draw, and so on.
While the exact percentages are different for everybody, here's a simplified map of your life:

Let's take one subject that isn't that pleasant: death. I mention this because, for most of us, the time and method is preordained. Most people who lose someone can see, instinctively, that is was this person's "time." However, this can occasionally be modified by our own free will (smoking 50 cigarettes a day, for example), the free will of others (murder), or random events (an accident).

In relationships, sometimes we are supposed to meet a person, but it just doesn't work out. The experiences of this particular lifetime influence our actions and decisions, and we're not forced to be together. Other times, we take up with someone new.

But the bottom line is that the vast majority of times we aren't locked into something that was "meant to be." We do have control. The trick is having the patience to accept the things that we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can and, most of all, the wisdom to know the difference.

The Secret Behind The Secret

Jon Constantine — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 05:30:00 GMT

I'm not going to come in and slam The Secret as it's helping hundreds of thousands of people realize their ambitions. But I am going to help clarify some misconceptions regarding the current spiritual soup du jour.
We've seen it in many incarnations: The Power of Positive Thinking (Napoleon Hill), A Course in Miracles, Unlimited Power (Tony Robbins), The Greatest Salesman in the World (Og Mandino), etc.
The original concepts were published by James Allen in As a Man Thinketh in 1902. The definitive work on the subject was and remains The Secret of the Ages, by Robert Collier, which was first published in 1925. If you haven't read either of these books, I would make them an absolute priority.
The Secret has its positive and negative sides. First, it's got everybody buzzing about the Laws of Attraction. It's bringing people out of the secular world and back around to the spiritual. The dark side is that we've also seen a rash of "born again" LOAers crop up, feeling that having watched The Secret 17 times makes them superior to you, and using a little knowledge (always a dangerous thing), for spiritual one-upmanship.
Where this is twisted the most is in the area of personal responsibility. Those who are quick to use their newfound knowledge for imagined superiority would have you believe if something bad happens to you, it's your fault. You either wanted it, or you manifested it. If someone knocks you down and steals your purse, you're to blame because you made it happen. So you must accept the responsibility.
Hogwash. You may have made it happen. Something within you may have placed you at the wrong place at the wrong time. But bad people have free will too. Sometimes you manifest the purse snatcher, but other times the purse snatcher manifests you.
Let's look at another aspect. Suppose there is an opening, and both you and a coworker want that job. You're both well versed in the LOA. You both try to manifest it. Who, then, gets it? The one who wins the spiritual arm wrestle?
Still another aspect: Why are some of the most positive people, who are always talking about the LOA very frustrated, and some of the most negative and pessimistic people who have never even seen The Secret always manifesting whatever they want?
The secret behind The Secret is that it's a course on the Laws of Attraction from white belt to black belt. There is a misconception in the West that black belt means you have mastered the art. What a black belt really means is you've learned the basics -- the principles and foundation of the art -- and now you're ready to learn the spirit of the art.
In martial arts, once you've learned the move, the next step is to make it your own. It's not enough to read a book on how to do, for example, a reverse punch. You have to practice the move thousands of times, until it becomes second nature, and incorporated into sequences of moves that become second nature.
Once the basics have been learned, there is a universe of principles (as opposed to laws) to be learned: Having no way as way, having no limitation as limitation; broken rhythm; and, most importantly, the principle of nonintention.
Don't get me wrong. The Secret is a beautiful foundation. But it's not the end of the journey; it's just the first step.
"All instruction is but a finger pointing at the moon, and those whose gaze is fixed on the finger will never see beyond."
NOTE: Jon Constantine is generally available for consultations Sunday through Thursday from 10 AM to 6 PM Pacific Time. Please use the ARRANGE A CALL feature.

Men 101 - Part 4

Jon Constantine — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 19:22:00 GMT

A Surefire Way to Lose Almost Any Guy
A friend was giving someone some real estate advice. He was in his mid-40s, held a law degree and a teaching credential, and the advice was sound. A receptionist, all of 22, started chiming into the conversation (of which she had not been a part). "Randy, how do you know these things?" He continued. She persisted, "How do you know?" He finally acknowledged her, "Well, these are pretty standard principles." "No, I'm asking how do YOU know?" "Because I'm not 22 years old and starting from zero."
Of course, she got very upset, and asked me why Randy had to talk to her that way. I responded, "Because you were being contentious with him." It's also no coincidence that she was very pretty, yet her social life consisted of one or two dates and then the guy would never call her again.
We've all known contentious people. Remember that girl in high school? She would sit in class, making little faces at the statements of others. Then the dam would break, and she'd come bursting forth with a criticism of everyone else, telling everyone what was wrong with them. It was not based on a genuine difference of opinion; it was argument for the sake of argument. It was not so much an attack on what was being said as who was saying it.
Now, I am not talking about being assertive, which is a good thing. Men actually admire women who can stick up for themselves. An assertive woman is pleasant and sweet, but not a doormat. There is a big difference between being assertive and being contentious.
Say you're in a restaurant and you don't have a place setting. The assertive woman would do something along the lines of saying in a polite tone of voice, "Excuse me, I didn't get a place setting." The contentious woman would say something more along the lines of, "Can I have some silverware so I can eat?" in a tone of voice that leaves no doubt that she is disgusted.
The contentious woman is not necessarily a man hater; women are targets as well. She feels she is a "master of confrontations" and your gender, age, race, or numbers don't scare her. But the truth is everything she's doing is out of fear.
People are contentious because they are threatened by others. A contentious woman may be threatened by other women, she may be threatened by someone else being more intelligent or having greater experience, she may be threatened by a group from which she feels excluded, or the fact that someone else is well-liked and gets more attention. In short, she is afraid of rejection, so she rejects others in a preemptive strike. She feels inferior, so she attempts to bring others down rather than bringing herself up.
One example most women will relate to, and have experienced, is this: You're in a social situation. A guy is there, he's good-looking, he has a certain charm about him, he's telling good jokes, and people like him. In the background you see a guy glaring at him. Eventually, this guy makes his way over and starts demeaning, belittling or challenging the man. Now, clearly, the guy is threatened because the other guy is cooler than he is.
But let me ask you, would you want go out with the contentious fellow? Could you imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone like that? Men feel the same way.
To summarize, contentiousness is the one quality that will turn off nearly any man in the world instantly. To be contentious is like wearing a sign that says, "Please let me spend my life alone, angry and bitter."

Men 101 - Part 3

Jon Constantine — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 02:05:00 GMT

Logic is a No-No

There has been a largely untrue stereotype in our society for the past several hundred years: that of women being illogical. If anything, women are more logical than men in that women have a requirement absent in most men: things have to make sense.

The problem is that human behavior rarely makes sense. We are a complex set of instincts and motivations, and by the time a person reaches adulthood, there is inevitably some baggage. Yet, in many consultations, women become extremely confused, agitated and even skeptical if things don't make sense. "But if he loves me, why is he still with her?" "But if he's really interested in me, why doesn't he ask me out?" "But if he dislikes me so much, why does he take my calls?"

On the other hand, males tend to accept the fact that human behavior doesn't make sense, and work around it. Male clients rarely argue if a psychic tells the man something that doesn't make sense. The response is generally more along the lines of, "Okay, what can I do about it?"

The reason for this is that female logic, as a general rule, tends to be deductive. Male logic tends to be inductive. In other words, women have a tendency to apply a formula to the situation, whereas men tend to rely on observed reality. For example, a woman's reasoning might be, "All things on earth are subject to the law of gravity. Therefore, if I toss a rock up into the air, it will come back down." A man would see it as, "I've noticed that if I toss rocks up into the air, they fall back down. Therefore, if I toss this rock up, it'll fall down."

This sounds very simple, and both genders reach the same conclusion. But in the area of human relationships, the outcome can be very different.

FEMALE: "You said he loves me. But that's not possible because he's still with her. If he loved me, he'd be with me." Major Premise: If you love someone, you will do anything to be with that person. Minor Premise: He is with someone else. Conclusion: You must be wrong.

MALE: "You said she loves me. But she's still with him. Why and what can I do about it?" This is because, in observed reality, people fall in love with someone and go in the direction of someone else all the time. So it's necessary to discover the motivations, and if anything can be done to change the situation.

We must all remember that human behavior is inconsistent, mutable, illogical and, at times, irrational. Therefore, it is important to keep an open mind in relationship issues, and to stop trying to analyze the behavior of another person according to logic.

In one sense of the word, "conclusion" can mean the end. But in relationships, conclusions are just the beginning -- of a lot of confusion and frustration.
NEXT: Little-known guy secret -- The Woman Every Man Despises (and how to not be her).