Angels Whisper Softly

Using EFT to clear unwanted energies/entities and attachment of yourself and/or another

Angels Whisper Softly — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 18:54:00 GMT

Please see my blogs on how to do EFT or go to my recorded listing below

EFT works if you use your body as a surrogate for the other person and tap for both of you. This method of tapping on spiritual things will work on curses, strengthening the aura, cutting cords, and many other things. With curses, just keep tapping that your energy is clear not effected by them and is strong.The points are below;

So, what you would tap is through all the points (say affirmation 3 times while tapping on side of hand - karate chop and 1 time each tapping on each other point). The points seem to stimulate release of blocks and side of hand point is accupressure point for releasing resistance. But you can surrogate tap and works just as well, like reiki. More information is at http://www.emofree.com

If you're tapping for another person too (cause I get many clients who feel affected by someone else who they feel is possessed or cursing them or full of negative energy, suicidal, psychic vampire etc), hold that other person in your mind with you and visualize the aura being cleared and becoming brighter and expanding out more as you do the EFT on the blocks. Ironically, sometimes the person without the issue (alcoholism, negative energies etc) can have more blocks to that person being free of those conditions than the other person does. So, the energy between the two people can feed unconscious need for the other person not to be whole that helps energetically keep the state going. It could be a savoir complex, superiority complex, martyr complex that keeps the freer person focused on being superior or fixing or martyred by the person they see as having the problem. God wants you to pull your energy back into you and clear the problem in you now instead of fixing everything outside. So is really important you clear YOUR blocks as well. Try doing it once a day for a week and see what happens.

"Thank you God that we both fully deserve to be released and free of all entities and attachments/possessions affecting both of our body, mind and spirit, we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves...."

"Thank you god that it is fully safe for both of us to be released and free of all entities and attachments/possessions which affect both of our body mind and spirit, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves..."

"Thank you God that is fully safe for others if both of us are released and free of all entities and attachments/possessions which affect both of our body mind and spirit, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves...."

"Thank you God that both of us are fully willing to be released and free of all entities and attachments/possessions which affect both of our body mind and spirit, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves..."

"Thank you God that is is possible for both of us to be released and free of all entities and attachments/possession which affect both of our body mind and spirit, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves...."

"Thank you God that we both allow ourselve to be released and free of all entities and attachments/possessions which affect both our body mind and spirit, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves..."

"Thank you God that both ourselves and others will benefite if we are released and free of all entities and attachments/possessions which affect both of our body minds and spirits, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves..."

"Thank you God that we both have what it takes to make our lives work if we are released and free of all entities and attachments/possessions which affect both of our bodies, minds and spirits, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves...."

"Thank you God that neither of us need to feel deprived in anyway if we are released and free of all entities and attachements/possessions which affect both of our bodies, minds and spirits, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves..."

"Thank you God that neither of us need feel we are losing our identity if we are fully release and free of all entities and attachments/possessions which affect both of our bodies, minds and spirits, and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves...."

"We both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves even if we are never fully release and free of all entities and attachements/possesions.. etc"

"Thank you God that both of us are fully ready to (rest of sentence)"

"Thank you God that we both fully choose to (rest of sentence)"

"We both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves even if both of us want to keep some of this problem..."

"We are eliminating all the sadness, in all the roots - and all the causes - of all this problem, and we deeply and completely love and accept myself."

"We are eliminating all the fear, in all the roots - and all the causes - of all this problem, and we deeply and completely love and accept myself."

"We are eliminating all the anger, in all the roots - and all the causes - of all this problem, and we deeply and completely love and accept myself."

"We are eliminating all the emotional trauma, in all the roots - and all the causes - of all this problem, and we deeply and completely love and accept myself."

Main Issue blocks removed:

Thank you God that we are both now fully free of all entities, possessions and attachments affecting our bodies, minds and spirits and we both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves (tap a few rounds).

Another major block to tap on people with lack of will to live and are slowly killing themselves/alcoholic/severely disturbed is both:

"Thank you God that I fully deserve to live for life, and all its joys and miracles. I dont have to live for death or fear anymore and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself." (repeat this with all the different blocks above)

and;

We both deeply and profoundly love and accept ourselves with all our problems and limitations (just tap over and over)

Hope this helps :)

PEACE and LOVE..

I Love You ~ Ho'oponopono Prayer

Angels Whisper Softly — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 18:52:00 GMT

The most basic Ho'oponopono prayer is to repeat "I love you" to the divine (or even others, yourself, life, elements of life etc) over and over again as a way of life.

Morrnah's Prayer

Spirit, Superconscious, please locate the origin of my feelings, thoughts of (__________fill in the blank with your belief, feeling, thoughts________).

Take each and every level, layer, area and aspect of my being to this origin. Analyze it and resolve it perfectly with God's truth.

Come through all generations of time and eternity. Healing every incident and its appendages based on the origin.

Please do it according to God's will until I am at the present. Filled with light and truth.

God's peace and love, forgiveness of myself for my incorrect perceptions. Forgiveness of every person, place, circumstances and event which contributed to this, these feelings thoughts.

~ If you know EFT, try doing the prayer while tapping points ~

I am the I ~ The Prayer

I come forth from the void into light,

I am the breath that nurtures life,

I am that emptiness, that hollowness beyond all consciousness,

The I, the Id, the All.

I draw my bow of rainbows across the waters,

The continuum of minds with matters.

I am the incoming and outgoing breath,

The invisible, untouchable breeze,

The undefinable atom of creation.

I am the I.

Self- Identity Ho'oponopono works with the premise that all of us are 100% responsible for our entire realities. It goes one step beyond the law of attraction or other ideologies out there becaue by being 100% responsible for our reality, and knowing we have shared creation and reality with others, this makes us responsible for others realities as well, the part they play in our reality (if you can call it reality and not a dream). Here is the precept:

I operate my life and my relationships according to the following insights:

1. Re: Law of Attraction: The physical universe in a concreate manifestation of my thoughts.

2. Unhealthy thoughts create an unhealthy physical reality.

3. Loving thoughts create a physical reality that is loving.

4. I am 100% responsible for my physical reality and for creating it.

5. There is no such thing as something being outside of ourselves. Everything on Earth exists in a universe within us and arises from the mind.

What made Ho'oponopono more well known on the internet was the story of a healer named Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, Phd. He was hired to work at a Hawaiian prison with many criminally insane inmates. He never consulted directly with any inmates, but was hired as a psychologist and he practiced this Ho'oponopono. Many inmates were violent, restraints were used, etc etc. What Dr Hew Len did was simply read over the inmates files repeating over and over to the divine "Im sorry" (for manifesting this situation as a shared memory), "Please Forgive me" (God doesnt need this, its more for us to forgive ourselves", "Thank You", "I love you". As he kept doing this inmates healed, medications reduced, violence stopped, restraints werent needed anymore. More information is at http://mrfire.blogspot.com/2005/11/worlds-most-unusual-therapist.html (blog of Joe Vitale)

The idea is that he healed others by healing the self. All things can be healed with love and forgiveness. We in our divine superconscious state are at what is called "Zero Limits" without memories. It is thought that memories is what drives the ego, shared consciousness, blocks etc. It is the belief that we operate much like a computer and there are all these thought "programs" floating about which are highly contagious. Some are highly unhealthy. Such programs are any unhealthy internal repeated dialogue that we play on ourselves which makes us feel we are not whole or not worthy of love or abundance (in overall rather than money sense). We infect one another with these programs, we pick them up through the news, teachers, movies, our relatives, therapists etc. If you are a therapist, you have to accept that every patient you attract is part of you, reflects part of you, is drawn into your reality by YOU.

Ho'oponopono asks that whenever we encounter such a memor/program, even if involving another person or within another person (we attract it cause we manifest our whole reality and it reflects something about us), we ask for forgiveness for its creation, thank the creator, and say "I love you." Another method of cleansing is to repeat I love you over and over again, saying it internally to your food, your body, your house, other people everything in your reality.

To use Ho'oponopono on your body, if you have image issues, weight issues, health issues.. you might want to start dialoging with it lovingly, seeing it as your friend rather than your servant or enemy. Say something like "Please forgive me if I have not loved you how you are and any way I have abused you. I want to thank you for being with me. I love you." During the day you can say things like "Thank you for conveying me about/for breathing/beating my heart/digesting my food/helping me complete tasks". Ho'oponopono prayer operates on the idea that God is not our servant or consierge to wait on us whenever we ask for something. You dont ask for what you want from God, you acknowledge to Him what you created, you ask for forgiveness (for your benefit not his) and you give thanks and loveSo the 4 phrases are:

I'm Sorry

Please Forgive Me

Thank You

I Love You

A great book on Ho'oponopono is Zero Limits by Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len, Phd

Psychological Reversal and How To Treat It

Angels Whisper Softly — Sat, 31 May 2008 21:44:00 GMT

What is PR?

By Samantha

Have you ever wondered why you just can't get over a certain habit or issue, or why some people heal and others have all the potential, resources and abilities but don't. They might go to doctors and try numerous therapies never getting anywhere. It used to be thought that it was all about willpower/resolve, don't want to really get better or the person wasn't trying hard enough / was lazy.

However, psychological reversals imply that the problem actually exists at the level of the energy flow or polarity and the energy is "reversed", flowing the wrong direction through the meridian system and causing effects that are not in our best interest or well-being. Healing is then impeded because the body /mind will actually fight against its own healing forces.

Psychological Reversal is estimated to affect 40% of the population. It is predominant in those with depressive or addictive disorders.

The first thing to test with an EFT (more information on how to do EFT can be found in my blog here>> )client or with yourself if you have an issue (testing is performed with using muscle testing techniques, for more information on how to do it see my blog here>> ) you want to get over is...

"I want to get over {this problem}"
"I want to be successful at {acting, music, school, relationships etc}"
"I live for life"

Then try testing the opposite and see if you get the opposite response.

"I don't want to get over {the problem}."
"I don't want to be successful at {acting. music, school, relationships, etc}."
"I live for death."

If you test psychologically reversed for any of these issues, the next step is to find out why? and where is the reversal? Some people have more than one. I know I did. Here are some reversals to test for:

Deserving: "I deserve to get over this problem"
Safety: "It is safe for me to get over this problem"
Safety for others: "It is safe for (or will not threaten) others for me to get over this problem"
Motivation/Willingness: "I am willing/will do what it takes to get over this problem."
Permission: "I will allow myself to get over this problem"
Possibility: "It is possible for me to overcome this problem."
Benefit: "It is good for me to get over this problem."
Resource: "I have what it takes to make life work without this problem."
Deprivation: "I will feel deprived if I get over this problem."
Identity: "I will lose my identity if I get over this problem"
Never: "I will never get over this problem"
Readiness: "I am ready to get over this problem."
Permanency: "If I get over this problem it will come back"

Once identifying a reversal, then EFT or other Though Field Therapy techniques can be used to correct it. You just use the reversal in your "set up statement" (see prior blog for how to do EFT) and perform the tapping sequence. Example: "Even though I will lose my identity if I get over {the problem), I deeply and completely love and accept myself." The two body points for treating PR are the Karate Chop point on the fleshy side of the hand (just tap on that while repeating the set up statement), or the Sore Spot which there is a diagram on my previous blog for where those points are... intend of tapping this point, it is rubbed instead while repeating the set up statement. Then you pick a reminder phrase, tap all the other EFT points and then retest the reversal. Most times, the reversal is cleared in 1 round of tapping. If its deeper it might take 3 but rarely more. If it does not correct there is another issue or deeper reversal in the way. After reversals are out of the way, the main problem can be tapped on. Sometimes if I take an issue and just tap every reversal on it once it will clear it. I also made my own card deck of all the reversals using blank business card stock and writing the reversals on the cards and then pulling cards on an issue and clearing the blocks till the issue is clear. Works pretty well for headaches and other issues..

Simple Technique For Clearing The Energy Field

Angels Whisper Softly — Thu, 22 May 2008 01:18:00 GMT

Tap the following points with two or three fingers while repeating the statements. You can use visualization too to clear the energies and to fill your aura with light. There are many different ways to clear the energy field and chakras and I find EFT is one of the best ways for me and many of my clients. On the phone i use it in energy work more manipulating the meridians through energy work than through accupressure. Each acupuncture/acupressure point is associated with release of certain emotions and states. Tapping on them has a releasing affect.

Karate Chop Point:

Even though my aura is thick and I feel tired, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though my energy feels heavy and blocked, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though I feel like I am experiencing emotions that arent even mine, I deeply and completely love and accept myself

Top of Head Point:

I am releasing negative energies
I am releasing negative entities
I am releasing all dark spots
I am releasing tears

Eyebrow Point:

I am releasing anything negative that comes up in my aura, and I deely and completely love and accept myself
I am releasing all blocks in my energy field and all the resistances to releasing blocks in my energy field

Side of Eye Point:

I am letting it all go
I am letting all negativity go, and I completely and deeply love and accept myself

Under Eye Point:

I am clearing and cleaning my energy field
I am releasing everything that is not of my highest good, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself

Under Nose Point:

I clearing myself out
I am releasing and letting go
I'm letting everything that doesnt belong to me release back to its original owner
I am releasing all other attachments out into space, up above the Earth's ethers and far far away

Chin Point:

I am releasing all negativity
I am releasing any attachments I have in my energy field
I ask that they be released and that they go back so that they may evolve in their own time and their own space, up off the Earth and far away where they can continue their on evolution

Collar Bone Point:

I am flooding my auric field with bright white healing light
I am flooding it so full
I am letting it go and letting it expand out
I feel my vibration rising
I feel my heart chakra expanding out and I let it expand out
I feel all the love coming in and feel it going out into the universe to all, and I just allow...

Under Arm Point:

My auric field is looking so beautiful
It is looking so white, so bright and so clear
my charkas are all spining so brightly, so beautifully, so clear of any blocks and so in balance

Thumb Point:

I'm flooding my energy field now with bright white healing loving light
and I flood it
and I flood it
I flood it so much as I am tapping in the love
tapping in the inspiration
tapping in the creativity and the ability to be who I am and to let my light shine

Index Finger Point:

I am tapping in the love
I am tapping in the acceptance
I know that I am divine and I deeply and completely do love and accept myself
I will always love and accept myself because I am worth it

Middle Finger Point:

I am wonderful and I am divine
I deserve this
I deserve to let go of anything and everything that I am hanging onto that no longer serves me

Pinky Finger Point:

I am deeply and completely releasing and letting go
releasing and letting go
giving it all to God with so much love for myself

Take a deep breath and release and return to Karate Chop Point

Karate Chop point:

I am full of so much love
I am full of so much light
my auric field is looking brilliant
it's so brilliant
and I am ready to go out into the world and shine my light
because the world is full of love and I deserve that love
I am a child of the divine
I am ready to spread and share that light of mine

Full Moon in Scorpio

Angels Whisper Softly — Mon, 19 May 2008 21:03:00 GMT

Combined with Saturn in Virgo, Neptune in Aquarius and Venus and the Sun in Taurus, this full moon in Scorpio is a great time to release feelings of being a victim and to take responsibility for ones predicaments, emotional state, what one attracts into ones life and ones sense of power. Scorpio offers tough love. So, how long can you go on blaming others for your circumstances and condition? Its time to take responsibility and heal. Its time to make a choice to choose to be real, committed and responsible.This is the time to see things as they are and not as you would like them to be.

So this full moon, free yourself from any obsessions on yourself, to help others (saturn in virgo) and be like a pheonix rising from the fire and change.

For couples, this is a good time to tackle any trust issues and secrets that have come between you. Mercury is in Gemini so is a great time to talk and to cut through some of these issues and to be open and honest. With the moon in a water sign it will help to offer the compassion and the empathy needed. With sun in Taurus and moon in Scorpio its ultimately about love though. Both signs want to love and care even if Taurus can be stubborn and opinionated while scorpio can be overly intense, dramatic and demanding...

Using EFT to create powerful Reiki/Energy Healing results

Angels Whisper Softly — Fri, 09 May 2008 16:57:00 GMT

I took an EFT course about 3 years back and for the first year I barely even used it. I guess the course came under the name of "Energy Psychotherapy" and I thought that sounded interesting and like energy work ... or figuring out the energy body in an emotional way. To my surprise the course was all about tapping and accupressure combined with affirmations. I did use a little on myself at times to free myself from headaches, but I guess I didnt trust it to use on anything else and so put it away for a year.

Then one day I was giving an online client Reiki and something just told me to give it a try. Not in the normal EFT method though but in an energy way cause even Gary Craig had said just thinking of tapping on the points seemed to activate them without even tapping on them physically (had watched some of his DVD seminars including one on using the mind to bend spoons).

I didnt even ask the person to tap on their own meridian points. I merely used my right hand to do the tapping on her body which I was visualizing infront of me. I then used my left hand to send the reiki (into a pillow I used as a surrogate for her body since she is not in person). To my shock she could feel what I was doing. She said she felt me "doing something" on the "right side" of her face (most of the EFT points are on the face and I was visualizing tapping the points on the right side) and her anxiety/depression was lifting. I tried it again online with someone who came to me with more than one issue and I was again shocked when I got the same great results and her actually feeling where I was "tapping".

Another thing I noticed were that my hands were getting much hotter when using the reiki. So hot infact, that a couple of time there was crackling on the phone and I was worried I was going to lose connection. I had heard of this happening before with energy workers, but had never experienced it. What I think was going on was that I was using muscle testing to test for "psychological reversals" (see my blogs on EFT), using the EFT to clear them while channeling the reiki over a body point or chakra (again, I use a pillow or teddy bear to represent the body), and somehow clearing blocks, the Reiki would just start to flow more strongly. Or else its "borrowing benefits" (when you do EFT on another it can sometimes clear you as well).

Amazing things have happened. Not with everyone, but I am shocked how many will respond extremely positively. Some have even said "wow" over and over or "I cant believe this". A headache will lift, pain will recede or anxiety will calm. Have had one women with public speaking and microphone phobias come back after giving a presentation and say a ten minute session cured her. All I know is when I did simply Reiki on its own I never had such results.

I dreamed about my ex, does that mean they are thinking of me?

Angels Whisper Softly — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:08:00 GMT

It depends on the dream....

Most people who dream of people they like and who take such dreams litteral have never studied dreams to know how they work. Often times, such dreams can be completely dismantled if you look up the images, actions and symbols in dream dictionaries and reread the dream symbolically. How many people have I read who dream of people over and over, but they never end up with that person? It's cause dreams don't normally work that way. Your dreams are mainly about you, your thoughts about things, your thoughts of how others feel about you (as opposed to their actual feelings), and sometimes projections of your hopes or fears etc. I dream a lot that the world is ending and that a nuclear holocaust is coming and can see the mushroom cloud of the bomb in the distance and everyone is running to find a safe place. Doesnt mean there is going to be a nuclear holocost. Usually such dreams happen at times my whole life has felt upset and it felt like my own personal "world was ending". I also dream alot I fly to the moon and live there. So, is that going to happen one day?

I think many of us dream of ex's, but it doesn't mean one is destined to end up with them or that they are feeling the same ways about us. Sometimes it does mean someone is connected to us or even a reconnection might occur. However, I think most times dreams simply reflect our mental activity and if we are strongly wanting and thinking that someone is missing us or if we think about someone a lot or if that person represents some sort of symbol then it can be less empathic or psychic connection to that person as our own psychic attachements and energies resolving themselves or acting out through dreams. And people are complex too. If you have someone who love-hates you or was hurt by you or has some other problem, they might have genuine feelings but still not be open to pursuing a relationship or reconnection.

I had a friend who was actually quite psychic, mediumistic and accurate with waking visions. With sleep though, she always felt her dreams were psychic and they rarely were. She kept waiting to meet and marry some guy who would have a vineyard because she dreamed once she married someone who had a vineyard. I dream I get married all the time and it has never happened because it was symbolic and not litteral. One dream I got married and then money rained down on me, and that dream was right when I was getting this job (which I get paid for helping people with partnerships). Weddings are VERY symbolic symbols. My friend also dreamed her ex was going to come back and kill her and her daughter had a similar dream so she thought it would happen. I read the situation for her and got no. Both simply have felt threatened by this person. Was 3 years ago and still he has never bothered her. Death was also something she always dreamed about. She would get really upset thinking her dreams were psychic, but no one ever died. She simply cut a lot of people out of her life, had given her twin daughters up for adoption, and had disowned her family. Death in her dreams meant the ending of those relationships, irreversible loss, or wanting to be free of someone.

Back to dreaming about ex's....

I regularly dream of certain highschool friends I had even though I never think of them in waking life, but they all stand for something. I also dream quite frequently about one particular highschool friend who I was crazy inlove with but there was never a relationship. I had a hard time talking to him let alone telling him how I felt. I always felt paranoid my feelings were so transparent, like it was the most awful thing in the world if he ever knew I cared about him. In my dreams of him, I would feel that same crush on him and we are both watching one another and the occassional word is exchanged but there is all that fear in the dreams he can tell how I feel about him and at the same time I feel he is watching me too feeling the same way and afraid to show. I never think of this person in waking life but he pops up in my dreams all the time, and the odd time in my dreams we even have sex or kiss. This has been going on for 15 years! It doesnt mean I'm gonna end up with him or even that he is thinking of me, wanting me, watching me etc. I have read the situation and no, that doesnt show. Plus, I've seen him in the last few years and he is now bald, heavy and not my type. But, in highschool he was every girls crush (which itself is a symbol, he stands for that attraction to those kinds of men). He has become a symbol and I still dream about him. He's a dream symbol pointing to a time in my life I started a pattern of loving someone at a distance and hiding it... wanting to obtain the boy who all the girls wanted.

Another reason one can dream about someone a lot, or even feel an intense connection with someone, is because of past life connection. But, remember that a past life connection does not mean you end up married or in relationship with the person you are dreaming about. It just means there is psychic debris left over and reasons why you two came into one anothers lives, to work out past karma which might include healing from unrequited love, or accepting a break up or completion of karma and moving on etc etc. Sometimes in the past life the other person was the unrequited love so you come back to experience things from their angle.

So many people i read think just because they dream or feel someones energy or have karma or strong feelings it means you're supposed to end up together or that it must be true that their love object is obsessing on them. People ask, "then why do I feel him all the time?" Cause you are tuning into him even if you think you arent thinking of him. You're getting readings right? You're curious? You're tuned in. Heck, its how I read people and I do it by thinking about the person and trying to feel them. If I dont clear myself I can have left over connectedness. If you are always trying to figure someone out or to be in their energy field, yes, you are going to start picking things up even when not thinking about it.

I still offer the same advice for any love addicts I counsel. Be it you think the other person is causing your love addiction from projecting their energy onto you or its coming from you, its the same advice. Get clarity. Ask questions. Use direct means to find out what the other person is thinking and feeling for you and if they dont want to hear from you or dont contact back, or give you an evasive answer cause they are afraid to be honest, let it go. Don't go the "I sense/dream this or that" route. That's a love addicts favorite avoidance tactic to maintain illusion and fantasy. Ask questions, state your feelings and intentions and then LISTEN to the response. The REAL response. Not the messages and dreams you pick up. If the person is telling you to leave them alone, not responding or not cooperative, then even if they have feelings, it's still time to detach and clear yourself of that energy and let them figure there stuff out. Find some way to clear the energy if you feel you are picking it up without thinking. Dont give it power. Otherwise you ARE a love addict and codependently living out your life through hopes of being with someone else, who, for whatever reason, even if all your feelings are right, is not capable... Ask your higher self for dreams that help you to learn from what you are going through. I was able to lucid dream about my highschool crush and ask him in my dream why he always appeared to me in dreams. He told me it was past life and that in a past life he was the obsessive unrequited love and I was inlove with someone else...

Things to note when dreaming of someone repeatedly:

1. Reoccuring dream themes or content with this person. Usually represents the lessons you have to learn from the person. Mine were about not hiding my feelings and desires.

2. Time element. Recurring people in dreams, even friends, especially of past can symbolize old left over karmic or psychic debris that is circling around in your energy field or psychological complexes. If its someone way past, it still means your living out that energy/trauma/hurt/unfulfilled hope that started at that time, especially if in the dreams you are both that younger age and appearance.

3. Symbols. What do the reoccuring people in your dreams symbolize to you? Some are people we see as threatening, some as desirable, some as smart, some as funny, some as comrads or confidents, some as life long loves, and some as unrequited loves. Your dream could merely be about the symbol. What other symbols are in the dreams?

Ok, so what are the dreams to pay attention to that tell us someone is energetically really trying to send us a message?

* Try learning how to lucid dream and then while dreaming you can ask your love interest why they are in your dream.

* Dreams where animals, angels, christ, counsellors or even psychics come to you and talk to you about your situation. I often have dreams where I see a tarot reader, or a card or rune is shown to me regarding a situation. These dreams I find often are more real and come true. Try going to sleep and asking your angels to appear in dreams and to help you or counsel you...

* Pay attention to any dreams where the person is trying to send you messages. Like quasi lucid dreams where they are trying to write you something and you are trying to read it. Or dreams where they are trying to call you on the phone. Dreams that you really wake you up are ones to watch for too. Sometimes its still deceiving though. Its best just to risk confrontation and asking the hard questions then going by a dream...

Unrequited Love Addiction

Angels Whisper Softly — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 16:57:00 GMT

It seems silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it is more common than you think and is often the result of growing up in a household where love was either not consistent or was conditional, or simply the child was always trying to win the love and praise or affection from parents who were unavailable or abusive in some way and failed to nurture properly. Even overly spoiling a child and not setting clear and proper boundaries can give a child an ungrounded sense of self where they might not feel given proper love or attention. Usually, a person with unrequited love addiction has a combination of love addictions or may have other addictions as well (alcohol, sex, shopping, even psychics, etc etc).

According to love addiction anonymous sites on the web, the other love addictions are:

obsessed love addicts: obsess and cant let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can't let go
ambivalent love addicts - which include unrequited love addictics/torch-bearers, sabotuers, seductive withholders, romance addicts: the goal is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

So, what happens is the child (well inner child of the adult) has this set belief inside that they are not really worthy of love. They also have this dynamic set up where they find themselves attracted to partners who mirror their parents or this issue. It may not always be a parent. Sometimes another sort of trauma or betrayal that happens to set this dynamic going, but it seems the inner child is trying to change the dynamic. Often, however, although the person feels not worthy of love on some level, they know they are worthy on another level so it becomes confusing to them why they stay addicted to someone unavailable. The relationship then becomes about avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and hates the object of their affection.

Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts which means that they deeply crave love, intimacy and affection and that unconditional love they are seeking, and at the same time they are afraid of it and can push it away or run away or hold it at a distance. It is safer this way to love someone who isnt fully there or who doesn't fully want a commitment. Picking partners who are married, unfaithful, distant, players, sabotuers, sex addicts, etc, acts to help them avoid a true relationship (the unconscious goal). They are in an unconscious way afraid to get really close to someone lest that someone see their unworthiness and reject them somehow. Its easier to get rejected from someone you know may never step up to the plate than to get involved in a real relationship and get really hurt.

So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love? What are the symptoms? The below aren't all of them. You may want to search symptoms of love addiction on the net and will find the general symptoms of love addiction, but these are a few I would note for those who are addicted to unrequited love:

* Do you pine over or obsess over love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are "just friends", or have left you and you just can't move on (you might have simply "switch-hitted" from being a codependent or other love addict to an unrequited love addict/torchbearer)

* Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection (cause you want to keep the addiction going and not push the person away)

* Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesnt really know? (some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests but some hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to or be revealed in any way)

* Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and just know and interpret your feelings and needs (ie. "he should just know, its obvious what I want and I shouldnt have to say anything, so why isnt he pursuing? Does he like me?"). Are you afraid to tell the person what you want and feel because on some level you know the other person is not wholey receptive and you have a feeling it will push them away.

* Can you never feel "close" in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?

* Do you have other addictions (sex, codependency, alcohol etc)?

* Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.

* Do you feel withdrawal if you think of letting the addiction to your love interest go?

* Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive (you lose more than you gain and often feel it fills you with more doubt than faith)

* Do you in general think about love and relationships a lot? Or do you see a relationship or love as a necessity in life and being without it for long would be unbearable?

* Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or other in your earlier life?

Generally, I would say if you have an "interest" who you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection or that the person is just not into you and this is longstanding for some time, you might be addicted to unrequited love. Or, you may be addicted if there is an unlying knowing that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate or wanted by the other person and could upset things (or his life), then you are probably in the grips of an unrequited love addiction. I've talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests and having sex, or some form of relationship, but they know on some level there are certain things they wont or cannot ask or dare put forward cause the relationship is really a casual one though they want something more.

Here is an example of one kind of unrequited love addict (in combination with codependent and obsessed love addiction):

A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet in a way and there is some flirting going on and the man seems interested to the woman, they might have even had sex. Information is exchanged but a whole bunch of mixed signals start to mark the relationship from there on (because ambivalent love addicts often attract other ambivalent love addicts). The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won't make a clear move and she ends up doing the contacting most of the time, though acting casual cause she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest but its kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she start thinking in her head "does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a "friend", but will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to get out of it but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

The other guy is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared or insecure or will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders "should I say something or make a move", but something inside is telling her it's not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page or ready to hear that so she withholds and keep holding on and holding a torch for this person. She finds out the guy starts to pursue someone else and is upset and feels betrayed. But still she has never had clear indication they are in a "relationship" (be it they have had sex or not).

What to do?

Often, I see the main theme running in these relationships is fear of true communication and risk to be vulnerable, exposed or rejected. Many times setting boundaries and learning communication would be what would be needed to either get out of the rut or to get closure but closure is considered painful and as rejection and to be avoided at all costs and with it true intimacy and relationship. Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that speaking feelings or needs is a burden on others, to be avoided, is weakness or something to be afraid of cause might cause confrontation or rejection. The only way out is through though. Problem is that the whole set up is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and in this one avoids true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

So, the first trick would be for the person to ask what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to. Sometimes this step is hard in itself. They may be so used to just being and doing what everyone else wanted or in avoiding confrontation that it asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange because all they ever wanted was to be able to conform to what someone else wanted and that was foremost on their minds.

Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem and may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pinning after the loss. Because the love addict avoids closure and may be with another love addict that avoids closure they may be stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconcilliation.

If communication is possible and asking for closure, this is the next step because it helps break the fantasy and though may be considered incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addictions is the belief that without a love one is nothing, but this is not true, so if one can risk losing love and still seeing they are whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can compliment rather than feeling another will complete them. Otherwise the person is in danger of just shifting from unrequited love addict to codependent or obsessed love addict.

It's the pattern that has to be changed and the fears of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation need to be challenged and faced. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or truama junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too. Taking the risk to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to anothers which this might be the real fear that it may not be what one wants to hear so is better to avoid all conversation) may seem overwhelming, but it is the only way out, as well as working on childhood issues which implanted some of these fears and patterns. However, sometimes you can be totally clear with another person what you want and they still give mixed signals cause they are ambivalent and you hang in cause your carrying a torch. Then the lesson is knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they wont be met or cared for and to find someone who can meet them (which might actually be something scarey for a love addict).

I also recommend to start changing the view of love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding. It is focused on self, fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings that one can extend. Love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. If you can't take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs even if they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care about yours?

Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state there wants, needs and boundaries, but what can happen is some are always stating needs and boundaries and the love interest doesnt acknowledge yet the love addict keeps trying and trying hoping the love interest will come to either care or be the one to offer closure, so, they are always asserting themselves and it become no-win argument.

There are many other tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions. Austrailian Bush Flower Essences has a "Relationship Essence" which contains the flower essences

Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.

Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can't survive if they let go of all they hold onto.

Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.

Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.

Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.

Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.

Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.

Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of emotional rawness.

Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

EFT (emotional freedom technique) is also another tool that can help with love addictions. Please feel free to read my blogs on EFT.

Books on love addiction:

Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships. Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

Escape from Intimacy: Untangling the Love Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships. Anne Schaef.

Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love. Pia Mellody.

Is It Love or is It Addiction? Brenda Schaeffer.

How to Break Your Addiction to a Person. Howard Halpern.

Leaving the Enchanted Forest: The Path from Relationship Addiction to Intimacy. Stephanie Covington and Liana Beckett.

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions. Jed Diamond.

Love and Addiction. Stanton Peele.

Obsessive Love: When Passion Holds You Prisoner. Susan Forward.

Women Who Love Too Much. Robin Norwood.

Shifting Negative Energy

Angels Whisper Softly — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:05:00 GMT

Negative energy surrounding us comes from our own circumstances, emotions, relationship dramas, environment, addictions etc.

Yes, you can do regular chakra and energy field clearings to clear negative energy, but unless you clear the reasons why the negative energy is there and why you attracted it or allow it (the patterns and behaviors, how you deal with people, environment etc) then it will just come back. Fortunately, clearing your charkas and energy field regularly can trigger changes to take place which move the way for those deeper things to start shifting. And you can work the other way also, doing healing work on patterns and behaviors and feeling stuck to certain negative energies or people or tendencies towards negative thinking and emotions (obsessing, being stuck in the head, doubt, fear, anger, feeling depressed, a victim, hurt, betrayed, lonely etc). This has a clearing affect on the aura as you clear more and more.

What I could start with is clearing the field of the energy and then move to the more physical or emotional realm or the other way. But for your own help to clear negative energy, take up a practice of exercise and relaxation/meditation/visualization. Exercise (however gentle) helps release negative energy and to energize and uplift. relaxation helps being stuck in the head. You can buy sage to burn and clear your space at home or you can use EFT (emotional freedom technique) or visualizations for that too. Music also has a tremendous affect, so keep music playing that is high vibration. Anyone who has seen "Whats the Bleep" knows that words can have tremendous effect and carry a vibration, so see yourself as if you are in a container of sorts and what words do you want written on it to affect your vibration?

Knowing your environment is key. So surround yourself with positive, upbeat and supportive people, keep your house clear of too much clutter and mess, put things in the container around you that vibrate a high vibration to you. Sometimes we cannot control being surrounded by negative people or situations that will affect our own energy, especially if having to do with work or family relationships and dramas. So, in these cases, you might want to clear any cords with such people regularly and any of others energy from your field and work to maintain your boundaries and integrity and just place yourself in white light or the idea of being in a container with beautiful words written on it if you have to be in a negative environment or around negative people.... You can even send some love and high vibration their way too...

Seductive Withholders - Come close, back off...

Angels Whisper Softly — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 02:29:00 GMT

Like Romance Addicts, Seductive Withholders are a form of Ambivalent Love Addict. Ambivalent love addicts tend to crave intimacy and closeness with a person and fear it at the same time. They tend to keep relationships at a superficial level through various means to prevent from getting close.

Seductive Withholders are similar to Sabotuers and they may have Torchbearer tendencies as well (two other ambivalent love addict types) . With Torchbearers (unrequited love addicts), they tend to fantasize about a love object at a distance. Sometimes the love object isnt so much at a distance as much as unavailable or the love is unrequited. The torchbearer then holds a torch for this person and fantasizes about being with them one day. With Saboteurs, they tend to sabotage relationships (that arent unrequited) once they become more emotionally intimate. They will run away from a relationship because they are trying to avoid closeness, rejection or intimacy, rather than just because a person isn't right for them. If they do not run away, they provoke a break up. They usually don't look back but if they do reinitiate the patter over and over with the same person, they then become what is called a "seductive withholder". Seductive withholders swing back and forth between withholding sex, companionship, commitment and affection, and then coming onto you again when they feel they want it again or it feels safe.

There are two main kinds of seductive withholders according to information online I have read. The first kind's behavior is narcissistic based and the second kind's behavior is fear based. For the narcissistic type of seductive withholder, seducing someone again and again after abandoning/provoking a break-up becomes a kind of game. It is about getting a high from playing with a persons feelings and seeing if they can win that person back. Even if they feel bad doing this, they can keep doing it anyways, possibly not knowing why. They seem to lack empathy towards the hurt they cause. This kind of behavior is thought to be a personality disorder that is rooted in having experienced childhood trauma. If you are with a narcissist doing this, it is unlikely that they will get help or change. Narcissistic disorder is one of the hardest personality disorders to treat.

The fear based seductive withholder may assume getting close to anyone means getting hurt. Still, they crave closeness and relationship when feeling lonely. They don't have trouble being alone or uncommitted in general (it's feels safer for them that way). However, they can feel attracted the wrong types for them. The two main triggers for their withholding phases (of love, commitment, sex, bonding) are intimacy and commitment. But they still care and are attracted to the person they abandoned. Unlike narcissistic seductive withholders, those whose behavior is fear-based can heal (they do respond to therapy). Part of their healing involves learning to attract a partner who is the right type for them and who is independent and self-sufficient, but also patient. They have to learn to stick with the relationship even when their fear comes up (they may need someone to bolster and support them here) and I also think communication is key. If the person can talk about their fear with the partner and feel understood rather than just running away, they have a better chance sticking through.

There is another type of client I read a lot who I think is a quasi third type of seductive withholder, but I'm not sure. It could simply be an extension of the fear-based withholder type. These types are combinations of codependent, torchbearer and seductive witholder love addict. They might be with someone who is using them or abusing them in some way (or they think they are due to past trauma and lack of trust) or who is non-commital in ways, married, cheating or an unrequited love in some way. They begin a dance with their love object (who there is often a love-hate relationship), where when they are committed to their love object they feel unsafe and frightened of getting hurt or frustrated the relationship seems going nowhere and so they want out of the relationship. As soon as they are out of the commitment, they are frightened of losing the person or that person moving on and getting over them and they want back in. It seems a fear of general rejection or abandonment for some clients be they in or out of relationship with their love object. For others its I think just loneliness both in and out of the relationship. They feel lonely and the relationship isnt giving enough while in it yet leave and are lonely wanting what little they had back. On some level they really dont feel the love object is worthy of them or can feel at the same time they are unworthy of their love object, and the dance becomes all about wanting the love object as something idealized (wanting them to change), rather than as they are.

So they end up back and forth breaking and pulling back because they feel that the person is not right for them or using, not committing or abusing them in some way, yet once feelings of loneliness creep in or thoughts "what if" the person can change, and fear that the person might move on without them, they want back and move into seductor mode to try to get them back. They may have secret hopes that after breaking off a commitment that the love interest will be hurt enough into wanting them back on new terms or will make a show of caring in some way. They may even entice the love interest into doing so and then drop them cause again they view the person not good enough.

Often it has bad effects though because it often opens them up to more mistreatment as to get the person back. Some can end up either in torchbearer mode craving love from someone they wonder if they will ever contact them again or come back, or they themselves initiate reconcilliation and then may have to compromise themselves more or they become willing to endure more abuse to get the persons love back. It also has a damaging effect on the person they are relating with (who may end up feeling abused themselves) if the issue was fear of commitment with this person, this person may be even less willing to fully invest or commit. But the seductive withholder love addict keeps obsessing on the relationship and cannot let go.

Sometimes I've read women or men who are SWs inlove with SWs. Sometimes its two narcissists SWs, sometimes a narcissist and a fear based SW and sometimes two fear based SWs. The narcisists ones can become completely cruel, abusive, punishing, and hurtful to one another and you wonder why they go back at all. The two fear based ones are frustrating to read too cause they just wont communicate at all and no one wants to set a boundary or really open up an honest conversation about whether to make a concerted effort to put two feet in or to take them both out and move on. Either case, both partners can be strong willed and independent types yet become somewhat codependent and yet addicted to eachother in an on again off again relationship full of games (threats, standing up, provoked jealousies - usually triggered off deliberately to punish the love interest in some way, advancing, retreating, do I love him, do I not, does he love me, does he not, love vs hate)... and the couple is being more cruel and withholding to one another than loving one another. The relationship becomes a game of who can withhold more and then how to seduce back. Ironically, often such a couple has an intense and conflicted sexual chemistry between them, though sex can be withheld when either party is in withholding phase.

Most of these types of on again off again clients I've read have the same pattern in childhood or can have history of being with someone in a fully committed abusive relationship that took time to get strength to fully leave (for men, I'm no expert, but seems it can also be if they were really betrayed or cheated on by a former committed partner or if they suffered a harsh divorce). Being neglected, abused or rejected in ways and attracting relationships where they begin a dance of attracting types they percieve are hurting them and that they shouldnt want (whether real or imagined), but wanting their love anyways, wanting to heal that hurt inner child who feels no one loves them. So they attempt to break but then that need for that love from someone kicks in...the need to feel worthy to that person which in these phases they idealize their love object, seeing them as superior rather than inferior.

Something that keeps them addicted in these relationships is the thrill and drama of the ups and down, and the sense of competition (to see if they can win love or approval from someone they perceive as unloving, distant or cruel) etc. Possibly both people need to learn to communicate their needs and feelings more. I find a lot of people I read in this situation just avoid asking for what they want and certain boundaries assuming they will never get it, or are asking for stuff over and over in scattered ungrounded nagging ways or breaking up and getting back together ways instead of just making an honest ultimatum... and so they just leave feeling despondent and then want back in hoping again they can get what they want.

The Romance Addict

Angels Whisper Softly — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 17:56:00 GMT

Romance Addicts are one particular kind of Love Addict. They are hard to bond with like most ambivalent love addicts (the other kinds are torchbearers, seductive withholders and saboteurs). The goal of relationships is to seek some sense of closeness and intimacy while avoiding true bonding because bonding can lead to getting hurt and cause pain or disappointment or just plain boredom.

How do you know if you are a romance addict or dating one?

The romance addict loves the rush of falling inlove, which often happens very quickly. They can crave adventure and the thrill of conquest. It is about fantasy and finding someone who can act out their fantasies with them, but the focus is on romance instead of a real, true and solid relationship which involves growth, communication, real life, real needs and bonding. They usually have brief affairs because not all relationships can be permanently romantic, and they tend to lose interest when the romance wears off and becomes more about real love. To them, the lack of passion can feel dull and they may get depressed, seek a way out of the relationship, think they are not inlove anymore or look towards a new love interest who can provide them romance and a fresh rush.

Romance addicts usually go from one relationship to another to get their "fix". They can also carry on more than one relationship at a time and feel "inlove" with more than one person at a time. Some can have a back door relationship ready for if a main one collapses, which their relationships usually do. Others may marry but carry on multiple elicit affairs to get their fix. They have a hard time being alone and being bored and when the infatuation wears off with any interest of present and the honeymoon phase is over, or the relationship becoms too real, the romance addict gets bored and moves on to a new infatuation. They tend to feel that life feels empty without romance or someone to romance and may be succeptible to depression or other psychosomatic illness if they start feeling out of control.

Romance addicts have a hard time tolerating real basic needs (in themselves and in their love interests), it is part of avoiding bonding. They can seem to both at the same time love drama and create it while not liking it and avoiding the consequences of the drama they stir up (asking the love interest to not have deeper needs or to look to deeply to them for accepting responsibility)

Romance addicts can be confused with sex addicts but are not the same. Romance addicts can concurrently suffer from sex addictions but not always. The problem is that romance addicts can use sex to feel some sense of bonding, romance, lust, passion and intimacy while actually avoiding deeper bonding and connecting to someone. Romance addicts can also feel dependent on pleasing their partner sexually (to keep up the high level of passion and romantic lust). They may have sex even if they dont want to to keep the lust, infatuation and element of romance high in the relationship, to avoid disappointing their partner, and also. again, to avoid deeper bonding which causes them anxiety.

Consequences can result if romance addict does not seek help and gets sick from their disease, through have too many partners, getting depressed or being subjected to sexual diseases or other consequences of their addiction. Families can be destroyed (especially when the romance addict pursues married people or is married), reputations ruined, sense of frustration and despondency can set in and other people other than the addict can get hurt.

True Lovers, Players and Casanovas

Angels Whisper Softly — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 01:49:00 GMT

Love is a decision, a decision to expand and not contract, to treat others as you would like to be treated, to not mislead or deliberately hurt others. Love is not sex and is not games. It is honest, generous and pure. It exposes itself in face of a risk of being rejected. It does not enable hypocracy. Love communicates.

Love would be responsible enough, and would love enough, to offer closure to someone if feelings and desires changed instead of playing games with peoples feelings or through provoking a break-up or disappearing or being unfaithful. If a lover was unsure what s/he wanted, with love they could be open and honest allowing the other to make a decision based on what the lover was open, honest and ready for. Love is also honest enough to ask what someone else wants or needs and express what they want or need without trying to prevent being abandoned, for those who cling but never seek closure or answers then holding resentments or hurts for expectations that were based in fantasy because they never opened communication enough to test if they were real.

A true player cares only for himself and his feelings and avoids honesty and confrontation. A player is disloyal, deceiving, or pulls a disappear act not wanting to handle someone elses questions hurt or confrontation.

If you care, be bold with it. If you don't, let the person know directly and let them move on.

A true player runs from responsibility in love... whether it's due to fear, self-sabotage or that they are simply moving on to the next conquest or rush...

Lastly, love doesnt offer excuses after the fact (not calling, missing a date, disappearing acts etc), love cares enough to be involved enough to let others know what's going on with them.

Casanovas/ Romance Addicts

Some casanovas and romance addicts actually do think they are falling inlove and are not typical players with deliberate intentions to play games or deceive. They suffer from ambivalent love addictions in which they crave intimacy and closeness but true intimacy is to threatening to them so they seek to run away from it, be it unconsciously or consciously.

Casanovas can actually crave a love and commitment that is lasting even though they feel at odds at why they cannot sustain a bond (or have a bond they can't remain faithful to), or can have insecurities or act out to sabotage a commitment as soon as they ask for it. The pattern is they usually fall in love really quickly and to come on very strong and romantic, who are looking for soulmate, but with inability to maintain a relationship without pushing their partner away or running away from the relationship through fantasy, romance, sex and infidelity.

Casanovas may have had a string of affairs that never manifest into something more or short marriages or marriages where there is a wife who is no longer made love to anymore in favor of outside fantasies, sexual encounters and affairs. What Casanovas do not understand is that they are seeking the high and the rush of falling inlove and not a true intimacy, true caring or a lasting bond. They often move from one love to the next and have a line up of potential interests. You can identify them by being careful of those who can be extremely charming and affectionate but who may avoid true intimacy (getting to know someone deeply and letting others get to know them other than on a romantic level). There is a lot of thrill in the romantic crush phase of a relationship or the feeling of being crushed on by another and once the crush is over or realities and demands of a relationship set in, escape or distance is desired or a new crush presents itself and they can leave one relationship behind to pursue something new.

Are You In A Relationship With Unpredictable Rewards...

Angels Whisper Softly — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 01:54:00 GMT

There was an experiment with pigeons.. The pigeons were divided into 3 groups.

Group 1: The first few times the pigeons pecked at a metal plate birdseed would come out. Then, when they pecked again nothing would happen. After pecking for a few times more with nothing happening, the pigeons finally gave up....

Group 2: The pigeons were always allows that when they pecked at a metal plate birdseed would come out. At first the pigeons pecked all the time, but they eventually learned to trust that whenever they pecked, birdseed would come out so they only pecked occasionally when they were hungry....

Group 3: The first few times the pigeons pecked at a metal plate, birdseed would come out. Then, when they pecked, none came out, but trying another time birdseed would again come out, but it was never predictable. The pigeons pecked and pecked and never stopped, because there is some reward, but it is never predictable.

Obviously, the relationship where one becomes most secure and least needy and needing to "peck" is going to be the relationship where you just know your needs are met and love is always available when you need it. People in such relationship will seem less needy.

When love is never available and nothing happens to meet your needs, usually a person will give up eventually and have their needs met elsewhere.

But sometimes love can be unpredictable or lovers are rewarded unpredictably by partners who are only half interested, giving them what they want when they want to use them, or who are insecure and playing games. So, that person acts like they love you one moment and the next they've stood you up for something, not called, withheld love and affection etc. Or you were once rewarded for showing love and affection or calling and then at other times aren't. If it happens to often victims of such relationships can become needy and insecure, starting to test and peck all the time because they never know when they will be rewarded, knowing reward and love is reciprocated sometimes, just it never seems unpredictable.

Guess no relationship is perfect, but if you find yourself too much needing to peck at that metal plate for nurturing to come out, maybe its time to either sit down and talk about the relationship and any games being played, or start to focus on how to get rewarded in a more reliable place ....

EFT for helping one to feel more loved

Angels Whisper Softly — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 03:56:00 GMT

Most of us, in some part have within us some deficit of feeling wholey loved and cared for... Even those of us who grew up in good families can feel this deficit at times. Sometimes we can seek to find ways to fill that deficit from outside of us instead of from within. There is an EFT technique one can use to try to encourage a meditation on being loved from a source that we all have control over... be it God or ourselves.

The karate chop point on the hand (the fleshy part on the pinky side of hand) can be tapped while visualizing love flowing from another source. If you know trauma happened to you at a younger age or as a baby where you may have not felt loved or wanted (such as if your mother had post partum or you were given up for adoption), you can use that in your visualization. It definitely helps to go as far back to the root of the issue as possible.

Tapping on the karate chop point is the acupressure/meridian point that helps with what is called "pschological reversal". You can look through my blogs on EFT and find out more about psychological reversal and EFT, but basically its when we want one things (ie, to feel loved), but there are unconscious blocks to being able to really manifest or feel it (ie, such as we dont feel we deserve it, it's impossible etc). So tapping on the karate chop point of the hand while visualizing receiving love from a source, the world etc, can help break through any resistances and is especially useful if you even find visualizing this difficult.

Love, Light and Gratitude to all...

Fear of Rejection and Abandonment

Angels Whisper Softly — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 19:58:00 GMT

Fear of rejection / abandonment ... is a difficult fear to have. It makes you act in ways, almost unintentionally selfish ways... because its self-protective and gives more weight to protecting the self from getting hurt than it does to how another might be benefited. It can make one passive aggressive and self-sabotaging ... as so many locked in needs and emotions demand a voice or some sort of validation. It's usually caused from feeling deep pain though ... and usually sets you up for the very thing you fear because you push people away. Problem is, pushing people away before they can reject you never heals the pain or prevents it. It seems to only cause more pain and an additional feeling of inner failure in one's core... This lost feeling inside oneself that who are you if not loved or esteemed by someone else... but at the same time all those questions come to mind of "did he know how I felt?", "did I extend myself?" etc etc. You feel lost if you never knew because you maybe didn't risk or try...

Fear of rejection/ abandoment, keeps one locked up in a tower inside oneself. Fearing to express oneself lest what one says/feels is not liked... fearing to confront what needs to be confronted and not denied.... fear of asking questions, finding out anothers intentions ... fear of just being authentic, having weaknesses, faults and just being... all for fear such efforts will leave one left behind... Is not an easy cage to be held in...

Possibly, all one can do is embrace oneself and others the best one can and strive to step by step overcome the fear that is self-manifesting in itself. Maybe the trick and only way out is through... by allowing rejection...while going back to healing the source and any past traumas where one has felt abandoned and rejection.... though hopefully steps are implemented a little at a time and with patience so is not so overwhelming.... such as taking small steps each day to risk being vulnerable, to risk feeling rejected and to still put ones authentic self and emotions forward, to face that even if one has been abandoned in the past, one is still whole and lovable. Maybe just starting with one small act of being more authentic no matter how scarey.

For, the bravest act for one with fear of abandonment, is to allow the closeness (for fear of intimacy can be closely attached) and open ones heart little by little, and risk to allow oneself to be hurt, that someone else might not love you as you love them, and to give of yourself anyways, rather than causing pain to the other in running away or confusion to a relationship by never expressing or saying things one needs to say... kindly and humanely of course.

Writing is always a good outlet as well that can help. Sometimes, the use of tools like EFT or energy medicine techniques (holding the trauma in the mind while holding certain meridian/accupressure points)... can be of great help too.