TO KISS OR NOT TO KISS
Hello Ladies,
I would like your opinion about a seminar I attended yesterday.
The speaker, a well-known life-coach, with an emphasis on relationships has written a book,
Kissing or No Kissing: Whom Will You Save Your Kisses For? A Dating Guide to Creating Your DreamsBecause I am contemplating writing one of my own, I thought I would go to her lecture and hear what she had to say. I must say it was quite profound.
She describes herself as having made all the mistakes women do with men, sex too soon, pursuing them, making excuses for them (he's just going through a hard time right now, his ex-wife is upsetting him, he lost his job, he's drinking....A LOT, he's "confused" and doesn't know what he wants, and so forth, all of which isman-talk for he wants to be intimate with you without committing),over-functioning in the relationship. Her wake-up call came when she asked the man she'd been seeing for 8 months and getting along quoite well, spending a lot of time together,"how come you don't say, 'i love you?'...His response was,"I am saving that for the woman who I'll make my wife." Our friend here was devastated because she realized in that instrant that he didn;t see her as wife material. Since she wanted to be married, she had no choice but to end that relationship and ask her how she got so attached and he wasn't as much. Since she has had other unfulfilling situations where she was waiting for a man's call, or for a man to warm up again after he cooled off, and wound up being obsessed most of the time,she figured something out. She decided that the reason she wwent to the crazy place in her head over a man wa OXYTOCIN. This is a peptide that gets released in the blood stream when a womanis cuddled, caressed and made love to. (it doesn;t happen for men). ...This peptide causes a chemical reaction of bonding, which can be quite intense and takes a very long time to dissipate. So she she did not like where she goesin her hear\d,all the misery, insecurity, and anguish concerning men, she decided to prevent the oxytocin from being released. How did she do that?.......No kissing until there was a ring on her finger.Not because she didn't want to, but because she was protecting herself from the excessive and debilitating attachment which comes with being physicalwith a man who is not committed..........Well,as luck would have it, in time she met another man.They greatly enjoyed one another, and then the fateful night arrived wheb he asked if he could kiss her. Her response,"ThankYou. You are gorgous, sexy , a lot of fun and I really would like to be all over you, but I am wanting a long-term relationship leading to marriage, and I am not comfortable being casual with my kisses or my body.I hope you understand my feelings"........................I'll cut to the chase,ladies.
He married her!Another gal in the audience who had read the book prior to coming to the seminar, indicated she's dating a professional football player (a lot of testosterone here). She gave him the same speech( she read that in the book) and she reported he almost fell over from the shock. NO ONE had ever said something like that to him before...He took her home pretty quickly after her declaration, and didn't call again so she thought he was gone for good.....However, 2 weeks later he did call to go out again, and now is asking to see her
FIVE nights a week,making great, exciting,elaborate plansfor each one.
Most of my blogs have focused on the sex-too-soon premise, but this position takes it to a level I've never heard of nor considered. The lecturer/author indicated she put a stop to her own suffering over a man, and never again was in a postion to anguish over his conduct,commitment (or lack of) or the value he placed on her. She ended her days of "man pain.".........So I am tossing it out to you for your opinion.What do you think of this position? I'd be very onterested in hearing your comments.