IS YOUR MAN HOT AND COLD?
HelloLadies,
if your man is making you feel
confused - that awful feeling of
being loved one
minute and practically ignored the next, I know
how
frustrating and painful it feels to just never
know where you stand.
Here's the kicker:
Men are NOT confused.
They know EXACTLY what it is they want and
don't want - they just
don't always want to give
up what they have to give up to get what
they
want.
And so they ACT confused.
It's up to women to not GIVE IN to the confusion they
demonstrate.
We absolutely cannot tolerate this "hot and
cold" thing - but we have
to deal with it in a
completely NEW way than we're used to.
Usually, we complain, tell the man what he's
doing isn't okay, let him
know what we expect,
tell him he's "hurting" us.
And this will never work!!!!
There's a way to communicate to a man that what
he's doing isn't
"working" for us that will bring
him closer, and a way to do it that will
push him
away.
Here's a synopsis from a call from "Victoria", who's been fooled
by her man for 8 months
- I'll let you know how I answered her, so that it might help you too. .
I have been talking to this guy for a little over
two years
now and he would do anything I ask him
to do. He had a girlfriend for the
first year-and-
a-half - he would talk to me on the phone and help
my son
with homework and take him places.
Then they broke up and we became lovers and we
went everywhere together.
This happened for about
eight months, then he tells me he is still in
love
with her and he never promised me anything but he
still wants to be
best friends with me.
I guess meaning when she's not around he'll call
or text. I don't want
friends with benefits - I'm
not that type. It just makes me sick how he
played
me. Am I wrong for wanting to break all ties with
him?
My answer: There is one sentence of yours
that breaks my heart
and makes me want to
reach out and hug you, then shake you and throw
a
hammer right at your head - and that's "Am I
wrong for wanting..."
First, never again, please, become exclusively
involved with a man who
has not talked about a
future with you, and cemented it with a ring and
a
wedding date - or something pretty close - like
buying a home
together.
I know this sounds so difficult, and at first
it will seem weird and
uncomfortable - but you'll
get the hang of it quickly and VERY SOON
you'll
start to feel POWERFUL.
There is always a possibility that a man is
fooling us about his
feelings for us - just
because he doesn't want to give up the
great
services we provide for him (because we're so
wonderful and he
doesn't want to lose us) - and
so we end up feeling fooled and hurt.
So, to minimize your risk, simply date lots of
men, all at the same
time, until the man you're
most involved with makes a concrete decision
about
his relationship with you.
This way, you hold onto yourself, to your
power, and you keep all your
options open.
And the bonus is - keeping your options open is
also the most
attractive way to be with ANY man -
even a man who says he loves you.
And now for the truly important part - where
you're doubting your own
feelings about what feels
good to you.
You clearly want nothing to do with this man
anymore.
Why would you want to waste time with him as a
"friend" when you need
that time to DATE other men
who actually might want to pursue a
serious,
lifelong relationship with you?
We only have so much time and energy - why
would you want to waste it
on a man who will not
pay off for you?
What I want for you is to spend time with
friends who make you feel
good - all the time -
and stay away from ANYONE who makes you feel bad.
(And this man is clearly making you feel BAD.)
This is essentially about the definition of
"friend":
A friend is someone who likes you, gives you
energy, has your best interests at heart,
and whom you can trust.
I want the best for yu - dump this man NOW -
and get on with dating
men who can do the job of first class relationshop for you
Do not settle for less..
The following call is from "Lucinda" who is dating a hot and cold man....
I've been seeing this guy and all signs have been
saying we
are going to be something more but he
keeps going all hot and cold on me and
leaving me
totally confused.
This weekend, I got tired of all the waiting
around and sent him a text
message asking him
whether we were ok and he didn't respond till the
next
day and all he said was there was 'no
silence,' and that 'he didn't respond
immediately
since his phone wasn't charged.'
I would like to believe him but I don't, and
though I really like him I'm
tired of his
lukewarmness.
So after he texted me, I didn't reply and haven't
talked to him since
then.
So now what's the next step,?
My resonse,Lucinda, the next step is to forget about this
man unless he's right in
front of you.
That means, like for Victoria, you must start
"Circular Dating"
That means dating many men at a time, not
focusing on any one, and
keeping your options open
until one man fights to claim you all to
himself.
And to get you all to himself, he has to lay
out the lifelong
commitment he's offering.
Never TOLERATE this hot and cold thing.
It's useless to try to correct him, to "let him
know" it bothers you
and hurts you - trying to
change things that way will NEVER WORK -
you'll
only drive him further away.
The only way to "heat up" a man is to simply
not tolerate that
"lukewarmness."
Don't make a big deal about what HE'S doing.
Just go out, ramp up your life OUTSIDE of him,
flirt with other men,
date other men, focus your
energy on YOU, and on what's important to you
-
work, volunteering, changing the world, taking aclass,learning a new language,how to play an instrument - and being out
there, among MEN,
doing what you love doing.
Either he'll show up big time, and never go
"cold" again, or another,
much BETTER man will.
This way - you never end up heartbroken, you
always feel powerful, and self-respecting and
you become a magnet for
men so attractive it will shock you!