ARE YOU GETTING HIM TO "FOREVER"OR JUST PUSHING HIM AWAY?
Hello Ladies,
if your man is keeping you off
balance, giving you mixed
messages, being vague
and noncommittal about where your relationship
is
going, but it still FEELS good when you're
together, you have all the
hope in the world.
Are you feeling caught between your feelings
for your man and the fear
that he doesn't really
intend to take your relationship all the way
to
"lifelong"?
The flip that happens between "girlfriend" and
"wife" can seem like a
canyon that's nearly
impossible to cross, or it can be a tiny change
that
happens in his heart in a moment.
For one of my callers, "Isabelle", she reported how she turned things around for herself, and I thought it was valuable to share her comments: My man was "confused" to the point
of seeing a therapist
who told him to tell me that
if I "loved him I would give him the time
he
needed."
My answer was "Of
course you can have all the
time you need, you just can't have me all
to
yourself while you're deciding."
And you just have to know that I followed through by
changing my energy in the
relationship, - In less than 6 weeks I had his
sweet proposal
of marriage.
To this day I have no idea how I knew to do
what I did - there was no
one to help me, and the
truth was, all my friends and my mother thought
I
was crazy to take the approach I did.
Ladies, this just illustrates that everything we women have
been taught about how
to be with men is wrong, and
how to learn for ourselves what TRULY WORKSwith a man.
This is from "Deanna", who's at that
horrible place - her man
is there but not there,
he's hot, then cold, he's a boyfriend, but then
he
doesn't know where that will lead - he's simply
not "invested" enough
in the relationship.
I'll show you how the two of us put our heads together to turn thi s around.
I have been in a year long relationship with a guy
that just won't commit.
I have pulled way back andstopped all initiating calls,texts,emails etc)and this has actually brought him closer. However,
the
one thing I am having difficulty with is the
flirting and dating other men,which you recommended last time we spoke.I just have no interest in doing that.Yet, I
feel so
frustrated and sometimes so hopeless and
depressed, because this
guy is keeping me off
balance with his mixed messages.
He knows what I want, I have been patient. The
other night we went to a
wedding and when I asked
him why we cant be that forever couple. He
couldn't
give me one answer, so then I asked him can he
picture a life
without me in it? And since we
have honest and open communication, he said
yes.
Of course that threw me into a depression. I just
don't know were to
go from here. I am deeply in
love with him, and It just kills me to think
I
will be forced into dating other men. I don't want
to date other men,
but I don't want things to stay
the same as they are now. I feel stuck Can
you look in your cards for advice how to get the outcome I want?
My reply:
Deanna, Your card spread coupled with claorvoyant messages reports that Circular Dating is a huge part of
bridging the gapyou are experiencing, and can make all
the difference for you.
Let's start with your perception of being
"forced into dating other
men."
Circular dating is not about abandoning the
relationship you're in -
it's not about
changing HIM, or doing ANYTHING for him or for
the
relationship. You just sit back,pivot inthe other direction and fill up your life,PARTICULARLY with other men
Circular dating is about YOU.
It's about keeping your options open and
recovering your strength and
power, allof which you have given to this man.
Often, and this is so easy to miss, being out
in the world, flirting
and having coffee with men,
can completely CHANGE EVERYTHING.
It does it in two ways:
One, YOU feel better.
When you feel weak, as you do right now, your
Degree of Difficulty
goes into the toilet, and
your ATTRACTIVENESS to him goes down, too.
When you feel bound to one man - a man who is
CLEARLY not doing the
job - he feels in control of
YOU - and YOU feel like HE'S in control of
you,
too.
This is a horrible place to be in.
It feels stuck, it makes you ANGRY, and you
feel almost at his
mercy.
Like he's calling the shots.
And, guess what - he IS.
And, guess what, too - he HATES calling the
shots like this.
The biggest favor you can do any man, and then
you automatically do
yourself the biggest favor,
is to let him feel the feeling that he has to
WORK
for you.
A MAN NEEDS TO "WORK" FOR YOU IN ORDER TO "VALUE"
YOU
I'm a big student of dog training - it SO
applies to relationships,
though not in the way
you'd immediately think, because men don't work
like
dogs - but there are things they have in
COMMON with dogs.
Dogs like to WORK.
They like a job.
They like to bring in the paper.
They like to "Sit" for rewards.
They like the praise they get when they do what
you've asked them to
do - when they UNDERSTAND
what it is you want them to do, and they do
it,
and get your praise.
Some dogs don't care so much about praise.
They work for food.
Or for play time.
But, across the board - they like to feel
USEFUL.
That's right.
And men have this in common with dogs.
If it doesn't take WORK for them to have you,
in their minds, you
aren't worth having.
But for us, making a man WORK for us seems
horrible.
We feel like we're being mean and calculating.
For them to WORK to have sex with us seems like
a form of prostitution
- so we have sex with them
even when they treat us badly, ignore us, or
just
simply are passive about the whole thing.
Well, it doesn't work like that,Spirit tells us.
If we're easy - and this holds true for the
entire length of a
relationship or marriage - all
the way to the end of life together! - then
they
lose interest.
Have you ever noticed how a man who doesn't
appear "driven" in his
work is driven in other
ways?
Ever saw a man you think is not ambitious get
all worked up over a
video game or basketball?
Competition is part of a man's makeup.
And if we short circuit that, by taking
ourselves "out of play" for
them, before they've
done what they KNOW they have to do to get
that
commitment from us - we DENY them their basic,
manly pleasures.
We deprive our man of the opportunity to WIN us
- every moment, every
day of the week.
So Deanna, before you think about being
"forced" to flirt and
Circular Date, please
consider experiencing for the FUN of it!
Consider the new position of Power you'll feel
with your man once YOU
feel stronger inside.
Because what will happen is, you'll meet men
who think you're amazing,
and act like it.
Your self-esteem will rise.
You'll be busy sometimes when he calls.
You will automatically have a higher Degree of
Difficulty.
And all that practicing outside of your
relationship will pay off for
you INSIDE the
relationship.
It all comes from you, not him.
Deanna called a month later. He proposed.