How To Cope If Your Partner Is Having A Mid-Life Crisis
The first thing to realise when this is happening is that you are not to blame, neither are you going to have control over what they are feeling or doing and you can’t fix the problem for them, they are the only ones who can do it.
The way for you to survive their MLC is stay in control of yourself and keep your life moving forward. You will need all the inner strength you can muster and a large support group. Al-Anon deals with some of the problems so you may want to join them.
- When they want affection give it to them or you run the risk of them looking elsewhere. Beware you may not get affection back, this is where your support group can help.
- If they ask for space give it to them, if they want to go out with their friends let them, don’t complain about it that is what your support group is for.
- Find something that gives you pleasure, volunteer work or a new hobby. You have to take care of you, your partner isn’t able to do this at the moment.
- Let them know you are there to support them, that you love them and if they want to talk remember it’s about them, not you, and LISTEN. Check to make sure you understand what they are saying, don’t give advice unless they ask for it, just LISTEN
- Gently remind them of the things they wanted to do as alternatives to hanging round in bars or spending every spare moment with friends. Remember keep it to do with them even if it is something you had planned together, don’t use the ‘we’ word. If they want you to join them they will ask you, so be careful what you suggest, they will take you saying no as a rejection of them.
- Let them know they can talk to you by always focusing your full attention on them when they want to talk, and don’t repeat to anyone what they tell you not even your closest friend, they need to know they can trust you.
- Don’t chew them out for not making time for you and the family instead suggest a date together and keep it fun. Your support group is there for you to vent.
- Praise them at every opportunity, constantly pointing out what they are doing wrong will put more distance between the two of you.
- Don’t question where they have been or who they have been with, and don’t keep asking them what they want regarding your relationship or what they plan in the future. They probably can’t answer you because they don’t know themselves.
MLC can happen anywhere from the 30s to the 50s. MLC doesn’t affect everyone, nor does it affect those who suffer from it the same way, and it lasts a different amount of time, for some it’s just months for others it can be a year or more. Just because your friend’s partner left them for someone else doesn’t mean yours will do the same. Once you realise that MLC is what is causing your partner to act “out of character” you need to decide if you feel your love for them is strong enough to weather the storm, or whether you are just going to walk away and leave them to it.
You cannot be in charge of them, but you can be in charge of you.