Oracle's Insights

A Small Portion of My Journey

 
            I began searching for God well before my 12th birthday ~ Buddhist meetings, Lutheran Sunday school, and Sunday Mass at the Catholic church.  At the age of 15 I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour while attending Sunday Services at the Central Baptist church.  Today I have a personal relationship with God and Jesus, but it is not in the conventional sense, I am not associated with any religion, nor do I view God and Jesus the way most people do.  I have not read "Conversations with God" because I have my own conversations with "Him".  I will still attend a religious service on occasion when I feel there is a message waiting for me. 

            I'm not sure what spurred me on to search for God, perhaps the constant lucid dreams of the devil chasing me, perhaps I carried it over from previous life times that there was more to Who we are and to our understanding of God.  As a child, I would sit on a swing in the park while my siblings and friends played around me, and I would contemplate the vastness of the Universe and the true identity of God.  Perhaps I simply had an inquiring mind. 

 
            Although I'd had visions and feelings of things that would happen, I still didn't realize I was any different than everyone else until I was 33 years old.  My friends would say that I was jinxing them when I would tell them that something was going to happen if they followed a particular route or course of action, maybe that's why I never really talked to anyone about my experiences until I met Stacey in Georgia.  I was having a conversation with her about some of my experiences, and when she wasn't able to comprehend what I was telling her, I rephrased my experiences and asked her if she understood, she finally said, "No, I don't think that there are a lot of people who have those things happen to them."  I looked at her in amazement and said, "Really??  You mean you never ...." and she said, "No.  You sound like a 'mystic'."           "What's a mystic?"  I asked.    She proceeded to tell me that a 'mystic' was someone who had the type of experiences that I had been describing, that they could see and feel things that others couldn't, and that they understood things that most people don't.

  
            That conversation and her observations opened a door in my subconscious mind and I unknowingly began my journey in Awakening to a Higher Purpose.  I developed an appetite for reading and researching the "unknown", my Christian upbringing made it difficult to accept some of the things that I was uncovering, but I made myself keep an open mind about what I was discovering and experiencing as the Awakening process unfolded.

 
            Several months later, I had a lucid dream where I was invited to attend "The Mystery School".  I was shown a woman writing symbols on a yellow tablet in a very large stone room with extremely high ceilings, she had decided to leave The Mystery School and so a position had opened up and I was invited to fill that position.  I had understood that I wouldn't have to die or leave Earth etc., but would have to give up the "earthly way of life."  I had a boyfriend in jail at the time and I was waiting for him to be released, so I said "thank you" and told them that I wanted to be with my boyfriend when he was released, I asked if I could accept their offer at a later date.  I never received an answer.  Two months later my boyfriend was released and life was good for a few short months, but within less than a year everything began to fall apart and I was praying daily to be accepted into The Mystery School.

 
            I had no concept of what The Mystery School was ... not really ... I only knew that it felt right.  I felt like it would be my saving Grace, I felt like one does when everything else in life is gone and there is only God left to turn to ... I didn't really associate God with it at the time, but I felt an overwhelming presence of Divinity in the invitation to The Mystery School.  For awhile I wondered if I simply had an overactive imagination that was working overtime because of the personal difficulties I was experiencing in my relationship, as real as the dream had felt I had nothing to base it on or compare it to ... until a year or so later.  I mentioned the dream to my brother who was amazed that I had dreamt of The Mystery School without ever having heard of it.  He didn't know much about it, but the fact that he knew of it amazed me because it meant that I hadn't made it all up. 

 
            It took about a year before I actually began my schooling, during that year I went through the process of letting go of my relationship.  Then the first year or two of schooling was sort of like a "prep school" before you enter into college.  I began to have more visions, more lucid dreams, my level of sensitivity to others and my environment grew to the point where it was difficult for me to leave the house, my psychic impressions became stronger and more frequent, I became thirsty to understand what was happening to me and to see if I could find any "hard evidence" that what I was experiencing wasn't just a 'figment of my imagination'.  I began talking in tongues, and doing automatic writing, it had gotten to the point where I couldn't even write a letter to someone because as soon as I sat down with pen and paper messages would start coming through and the letter that I had begun turned into a lesson. 

 
            Then in 1998, while sitting on my mother's front porch, I had a full blown vision of Jesus Christ walking up to me with a long pole over his shoulder and a scarf attached to the end that held his 'belongings' ... he stopped in front of my mother's porch and said, "Pack your belongings in a small satchel and follow me."  and he was gone.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I considered His instructions.  Deep within my heart and soul I knew that I had no choice, but I was sad at the thought of how my little sister (then in her late 20's) was going to be hurt that I was leaving her once again. 

 
            The "Call" was to go to Sedona, Arizona.  I had already been there several times (which is a story in itself), and although I had liked it, I had just recently returned from there and had no intention of returning so soon, but my life has always been pretty much dedicated to God, so I packed my belongings and left a few weeks later.  That's when my schooling started in earnest.  Life shifted quickly for me and although I worked a regular job, had a boyfriend, and tried to live a 'normal' life, I was in school 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks out of the year ... for more than 7 years! 

            I was fully aware that every experience was a lesson, and that every lesson was followed by a test.  Some of my hardest lessons came through my relationship with my boyfriend, and I wouldn't have made it through those times if it hadn't been for my relationship with Jesus.  He held my hand while I learned to trust myself, while I learned the true meaning of forgiveness, while I learned to let others have their experiences, and while I learned to love myself. 

            In 2001 I watched the movie "Joan of Arc", it touched me very deeply and I couldn't understand why.  I locked myself up in the bathroom to contemplate the movie and I immediately began to cry.  I begged for God's forgiveness for the sin of thinking that I knew what He wanted, for the sin of letting my ego swell up with the idea that I was someone special, I sobbed until my eyes were red and swollen and I sobbed more when I heard Him say, "I have already forgiven you.  It is you who must forgive yourself."

 
            For the next several years I worked at honing my ability to understand the things that I saw, heard, and felt.  Sedona is a place where psychics like to gather, so I had plenty of mirrors in which to see my reflection and therefore to see myself more clearly.  It is also a place where the Dark Ones like to manifest, so I also had plenty of opportunities to see how we were connected and to learn how to best deal with them.  You do not "fight fire with fire" because it only fans the flames of separation, and the truth is ~ We are not separate. 

            I saw and accepted the darkness that dwells within me, and we have become friends.  I learned that in a world of duality light cannot exist without darkness, and that a way of bringing more light into the world is by accepting responsibility for absolutely everything in my experience.  During one of my lessons I was told, "There are no scapegoats in Heaven." 

 
            Before I even knew that Keen.com existed, I was told to "keen" my abilities; I was amazed when I 'accidentally' came across the Keen website.  It was a scary process for me to open up in order to do readings for people I didn't know, but I stuck with it.  Keen and the callers I have spoken with have definitely been my "God-send" in more ways than I can mention here; with their help I grew exponentially in my understanding and acceptance of Who We Are and why we are here. 

 
            In 2005 I moved back into the center of Sedona, just a few blocks from where I had lived when I left Wisconsin and my family to follow The Call.  I didn't realize that I had come full circle until I'd been instructed that I had "graduated", and as confirmation a friend called to tell me that she had dreamt that I was wearing a gown and in some kind of ceremony.  I tried to continue doing readings, but Sedona is truly a center for psychic activity which made it incredibly difficult to be open enough to do a reading and keep my sanity at the same time.  I had a thousand different thoughts floating through my head, and my sensitivity as an empath meant that I was open to everyone's feelings in the small city of Sedona.  I was quickly losing my grasp on this reality and headed for the psychiatric ward.  I prayed continuously for guidance and I'm grateful that my mother, nephew, and boyfriend talked me out of taking medication to shut out the thoughts that weren't mine. 

            Instead, I was guided to a job at a nearby restaurant where I was hired instantly as a 'server' and I stopped doing readings to serve up smiles and food at the pub.  I immediately began to feel better, and the thoughts slowly receded as I stopped listening.  I was finally experiencing regular life again, no one wanted anything from me except a drink and good food served with a smile.  Throughout the two years that I have worked there, I would occasionally pick up on what someone was thinking or wanted, and the guests would always comment about having a psychic waitress, I would just giggle as I finished taking their food and drink order. 

 
            I was enjoying life as a regular person, and I didn't have any desire to let it go and return to a world of psychic impressions and thoughts that didn't belong to me.  However, I am still and always will be dedicated to God and my Calling as one of His Way Showers, so when I began to receive messages that it was time to return to work on Keen I listened, but I dragged my feet in following that call.  I was scarred from my previous experiences at the edge of insanity, and so I prayed for help.  He soon set me up in a comfortable home outside of Sedona and just off the banks of the Verde River, He gave me a place to call home that is quiet and away from the psychic chatter so that I won't be bombarded by everyone's thoughts and feelings bouncing off of the beautiful Red Rocks. 

      He said I was to return to Keen as "Who I am" and not "What I do" ... so, here I am. 

 
I am a Way Shower ... I can show you the way to find happiness, faith, understanding, peace of mind, heart, and soul.  I am not a fortune teller.  Yes, I do have psychic abilities, and I can see, feel, and hear things that most people can't, but I reserve those gifts of E.S.P. for the soul purpose of helping you to become stronger and more adept at finding your way in these changing times. 

 
As human beings, we have a tendency to get caught up in the illusion.  I know that it is difficult to focus on your spiritual growth when your heart is aching for a love, or when you may not have a job in order to pay the bills and feed the kids.  I know that first your basic egoic needs must be met in order to quiet the mind long enough to hear what is being said, so I will answer whatever questions you may have concerning love and finances, but please keep in mind that I am here as a Way Shower and not a fortune teller. 

 
Wishing you many blessings on your journey,

 
Carol