Soulmates
Much has been discussed and written on the topic of Soulmates. So many of my clients speak of either wanting a soulmate or believe they have met their soulmate, but wonder why the relationship is so difficult. Several months ago, after some discussion, a friend sent me a wonderful article on the topic of the Soulmate relationship. It left quite an impression on me at the time and wanted to share it here. If anyone knows who the author is, I would love to know to give proper credit for if it as if the author stole the words from my head & heart.
Here is what was written:
When we are born we begin a journey. Along the way on this long winding path we eventually end up seeking many things. One of which is love. In the beginning, it is from our Mother & Father, then our family, community and so on. Eventually, assuming everything goes right, we begin to find we have a void within us, which other forms of love can't seem to fill.
We have all known loneliness, a dark emptiness within our soul which seems to stretch for an eternity. We feel like we are apart of nothing, just drifting aimlessly upon the sea of humanity with no destination, nor land in sight. At times despair is like our wet clothing as we shiver cold and alone in the darkness. To distract ourselves we dream of "The One" and how they will lift our spirits and take away the emptiness, this absence of life.
For some, eventually someone comes along and brings light to this darkness. But as humans, sometimes we are by this time so starved to be "touched" that we unknowing make compromises which, if we were rational we would not make. Thus the saying. "Blinded by Love ". Because, of these compromises, we may never find our true predestined love.
Many of you now, are not in a "Soulmate" relationship. The truth is you got tired of waiting and you settled for the best "offer" at the time. This was your choice, and now is your Karma. But in your heart, in your soul, you know if someone is your Soulmate, for it goes beyond just love. It is a form of joining.
When you meet your, (SM) this person will have an instantaneous effect on you. A Soulmate is someone who makes your knees go weak and you want to catch your breath. With but a single glance they lesson your burden and but a smile, warms your heart. You will feel a sense of connection ( affinity ) with this person. They will touch you so deeply on so many levels, you will want to share your inner most secrets. For the first time in your life someone will make you feel like almost like a god. Once you have met your (SM) for better or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same.
One of the things which makes this experience unique is the sense of a meaningful spiritual experience. You both feel like this is to be and that you've been together before in a past incarnation. Normally for some, it is several months, weeks or days before physical intimacy (sex) occurs. But when you meet your (SM) something happens, the pull or drive to become physically intimate overwhelms many, and one finds it happening basically in the initial meeting. There's a sense of safety with this person. You knowingly let go of your defenses as an empathic like bond is formed. Unlike other relationships, in the past, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas which plagued you in the past.
Sometimes the best way to find something, is by not looking for it. With this in mind, you probably will meet your Soulmate (SM) when you're not looking. Since life revels in making things difficult, you'll probably meet them in the morning when your on the grave yard shift. For many it will be after a bad relationship or several bad relationships. If you're lucky you won't have to wait until your 50 to meet your (SM). But if you do. well at least you'll appreciate it's significance more, than someone in there twenties. You have had the benefit of experience, the perspective of age and the knowledge, such love is once in a life time.
The point here is "Serendipity", so forget about taking that "Singles" bus tour to the Circus. Sure you'll meet a lot of nice people and perhaps you really should get out, but just be prepared to ..Well, meet some real clowns.
The universe is a funny place, don't be surprised if your Soulmate is older or younger. Soulmate's don't care about age. How much older or younger ? From my observations, expect years like 7 to 20. In a true (SM) relationship it won't matter, if anything it will make you stronger. Life is not neat, nor has it ever been. So why should it start now ?
There is something about the Passion you share with an (SM). It goes beyond just " body parts". For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe. Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one. Your personal energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on a hot summers day. Soon you begin to lose track, of where you begin and your partner ends. From within the depths of your raw passionate union, your (SM) will know how and where to touch you. It will be different, intense and more gratifying than lovers of your past.
They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide. For some people, there is the "Rush". All the love, all the lust, all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a prison. At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes. You will experience a touch you have never felt before and your lust will rise to new levels. Often, in the case of true Soulmates, you can get so carried away you can actually hurt yourself. ( I know this to be true as we both ended up in the ER one night!) But in the end as you lay there, as the warm afterglow begins to fade, you will realize what just happened was not sex. "Sex, simply doesn't feel this good."
To put it simply, your (SM) will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will be able to match.
It is within our nature as human being to mess things up. The very thing which makes Soulmate love so special, is the one thing which can bring it down. The simple fact is, the unparalelled love & passion is terrifying to many people.
We learned how to have relationships from our parents or primary giver. If your primary givers relationships were dysfunctional, then chances are so are yours. There are many people in this world who in relationships maintain an extreme amount of emotional control. They take pride in the fact that their partner is madly in love with them. By being able to "wrap them around their finger" they feel safer. Thus, all their relationships become based on this pattern. Then one day their (SM) comes along and wham!. Quickly they discover the control over their heart and the relationship is gone. Now they must relate on a level playing field, and for many, they run.
It is like having your tender soul ripped from your body. You feel lost, abandoned and betrayed. There is a sense of panic which permeates your very being and personal existence. You find yourself saying, "never again". You did something you had never done before, you willingly let another in....all the way.
For those of you who are runners let me tell you what you already know. It doesn't work. You can move to the other side of the planet, marry someone else and fill up your spare time with some cause. But the simple truth is, your (SM) will be there in your soul. No matter how hard you try, no matter how busy you make yourself, everyday they will enter you thoughts. So then many try and screw them out. But that doesn't work either, for it becomes just sex and as you lay there afterwards you will feel empty and cheated.
A good measure of this is a simple test. After you have just made love to the person who you are using as a safe substitute, do you find yourself wanting to "get away" from them? A kind of "Okay, I got off..now get away from me feeling"? This is assuming that you can still get off. In some cases your orgasms are just barely, if you're lucky. When you were with your (SM), didn't you feel the need to remain close, to pull each other tightly and melt into each other? That's the difference....and one which is very hard to hide from yourself.
If you run, then you've made the conscious choice to doom yourself and the other person to be haunted for the rest of your life. Sure, you may eventually fall in love with someone who fits your preconceived image or expectation (cute, rich or successful) of what your partner should be. But as time moves on...you never forget, you always wonder and then you eventually regret. I have a saying:
The Soulmate relationship is worth putting up a fight, but there comes a time when you have done all that you can do..and you can do no more. At some point, the one who runs has to choose to stop and come to their senses. Life is sadly cruel, just as it is grand. Short of burying your child, losing your Soulmate is indescribable anguish.
Eventually, after the shock, the depression comes, then the anger and then you just want it all to end. You wish you could just stop feeling...but you can't. And no matter how much you drink, smoke or eat, you can't make the pain go away. Yes, regular love hurts too..and badly. But when you lose your (SM), no matter how enlightened, wise or talented, in both will and spirit you are...it is devastating.
Many of us sadly, fail to recover and we truly never "Love" again. Those who are really weak, try to kill themselves. Be it with a car speeding on a wet winding road after drinking, or "J" walking on 42nd street, to just taking one too many pills. The end result is the same if we succeed, suicide is suicide whether you leave a note or not.
In the end, we don't even want to see the person, because that just tares open the wound over and over. Right or wrong, that's just the way it is. Eventually, you go on with your life and you stop hating them...because like you...they will never forget either.
Every now and then life gives us a happy ending. Sometimes, after trying to get their (SM) out of their minds, the "runner" comes to realize what they had lost. A few are wise enough to do whatever it takes to correct the situation and get back into their Soulmates arms. Hopefully, not enough time has gone by so that the situation is salvagable. But oftentimes it's not. All I can say is TRY. With Soulmates there is NO pride, and there CAN be forgiveness. We are destined to meet our Soulmate, what you do after that is "your" choice.
We are born into this world alone and we begin our journey. Few are lucky we find the right partner, "The ONE" along the way. With this person we grow, learn and experience the wonders of human existence. They become part of us, as we become part of them. Eventually, our journey must end as we were born to die, alone. But in between these two points we hopefully have learned, experienced and gained some wisdom with the chance to pass it on.
As I walk my chosen path I say to those of you who shall follow me, this is but one part of the road which lay ahead of you.
Author Unknown
In my lifetime, I found two Soulmates. I know the joys, the exquisite highs and the sense of oneness, completion and peace. Yet as we turn the coin on the other side, I also know the ongoing torment of losing one. I hope you never have to find out how it feels....to lose part of oneself. But if you do, know this: "You will survive. Your life will never be the same, but given enough time you will survive" At such a moment, you are not able to see that way. Once you do survive, the choices, good or bad, are your responsibility...and life will be what YOU make of it.