Loving an Addict...
Addiction, in all its forms, is widespread in our communities. No doubt you will know someone with an addiction problem, or someone close to you will. (Keep in mind, addiction comes in many forms; alcohol, drugs, sex, or gambling—just to name a few.)
Often people will ask me for help not with their addiction problem, but in dealing with their partner’s problem. It’s one of the toughest issues for people to live with. That’s because the partner of an addict is always at the mercy of the addict’s behavior. Some days are good; some days are dreadful you never know what you are in for. Coping with that must be extraordinarily difficult.
At the end of the day, someone with addiction issues is powerless over their substance use until they make a decision to stop. Their partners have even less power. Really the only effective way of managing the situation is to emotionally detach from their using, and ultimately that will be the beginning of the end. That is, unless the addict agrees to get help.
Addictions ruin relationships. An addict is unable to connect emotionally with themselves, let alone anyone else. People abuse substances to escape what’s going on inside of their head. An addict is completely emotionally unavailable. In relationship terms, the addiction will always come first.
If you know someone who lives with an addict, support them to get strong enough to make powerful decisions about their future. I won’t ever tell anyone what to do. I will, however, let them work through their options and decide what’s best for them. Eventually, it will be obvious-- me or the substance. It takes real strength and support to get to that, though. It’s never too late.
Melody “Lil Mel”
Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching
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