Let's Talk About Sex....(Again)
So often when the relationship isn’t going so great, sex is suddenly under the spotlight. At that point, sex becomes something to throw at each other, and that’s dangerous territory. We can do great harm to each other when we use sex as a weapon.
So, back to where we started. What to do about it. Firstly, see it in a wider context. What else is going on? If sex is an issue, where are things at? You can’t get to the sex issues without dealing with everything else. One must keep in mind, sex is the end result.
What can you do to ‘fix’ the intimacy, the closeness and caring in your relationship, rather than focusing ‘fixing’ the sex? I’ll say it again – one follows the other.
You can’t be cold and distant or ignore your partner then expect them to be super charged in the bedroom. Likewise, you can’t continually say you don’t want to have sex because ‘you’re not in the mood’. If you aren’t in the mood for weeks or months on end, something else is going on.
Talk about it. You’d be surprised how it helps. Talk about the intimacy, the closeness, not just about sex. Talk about what you can do about it. Make a plan. I’m amazed that people let this one drift on for YEARS. If something was wrong with the kids or the pets, it would be dealt with far quicker.
It’s important. Don’t believe that ‘sex isn’t everything’ nonsense. It may not be everything, but my experience in working with clients tells me it's something!
In my experience, people aren’t expecting to act out some mini porn fantasy every night – they simply want intimacy and closeness on a regular basis and don’t know how to get back to that.
Talk about what would work for both of you. Brain storm ways of spending good close time together – with enough of those, the sex will follow. Plan to put things right in the relationship. How was it when things were good?
Don’t use no money, kids, or work schedule conflicts as an excuse. There are loads of ways to plan a bit of spontaneous fun that doesn’t have to cost the earth. And there is always time for each other, if you are dedicated to finding it! Have a date night at home. Once a week - every week.
Make it a priority. It matters.
Melody “Lil Mel”
Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching
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