Focusing on the “we” in Relationships
Centuries ago, betrothal ceremonies were commonplace and deemed to be as significant as marriage itself. The betrothal ceremony signaled a couple’s intention to marry, but more importantly, it spoke of the depth of their commitment to the relationship. I find that concept endearing and heartwarming.
A committed relationship takes place when both parties are fully invested in the ‘we’, now and in the future. In a truly committed relationship, protecting and nurturing that togetherness is vital. Typically, relationships that unravel have little intimacy left and both parties have taken up positions against each other. They stop thinking of the ‘we’ and start fighting for ‘me’.
Relationships in crisis have lost the emphasis on partnership. One or both parties spend more time attacking and defending one another. To reach out would be to give in or hand over some power. In a sense, they are two individuals again, regardless of whether they stay or go. The relationship, the commitment, has been abandoned.
I believe that when we talk about commitment, we should really talk about our commitment to maintaining the intimacy, connection and priority of partnership. We should refer to our commitment to keep the ‘we’ alive. We should undertake to protect, respect and foster the intimacy, connection and closeness we share in a partnership.
That, to me, is real commitment. It means not doing, thinking or saying anything that undermines the relationship. Acknowledging not only that it exists, but that it’s precious.
I don’t believe, as others do, that people often leave their relationships in haste. In my experience, couples stay together and work hard at it long before they decide to part. I do however; believe that the emphasis in a relationship is sometimes in the wrong place.
Sometimes people spend all their energy on fighting hard for their position, rather than fighting hard for the relationship. With a change of emphasis and a change of attitude, people can turn their relationship around. That’s what I call real commitment – being focused on the ‘we’.
Melody “Lil Mel”
Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching
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