Committed or Casual?
A while back one of my single friend has recently started seeing someone she likes.
They had been out on a few dates, spent some time talking on the phone and had a few steamy sessions getting to know one another on a more intimate level!
I asked her what she wanted from here on, and if she had asked him what he wanted too. She was taken aback by that. She said it wasn’t something she had thought about, and didn’t think she should ask. She said it was early days yet – time for finding out later.
Well I disagreed. I think early on is just the time to ask. In fact, if more people actually thought about what they wanted and checked that the other person wanted the same, I think people could save themselves a whole lot of heartache.
Some people are looking for a long term committed relationship and will date to find out if a potential partner is that special someone. Other people aren’t interested in getting involved on a serious level and date for fun.
Both are valid; just make sure you are clear about which one you want and which one they want.
Be clear about what ‘fun’, or ‘don’t want a serious relationship right now’ means. That means no strings attached, no commitment, no responsibility. Someone who says that is not looking for a partner, they are looking for a ‘friendly friend’. It is not a relationship that’s going anywhere, may not be exclusive and cannot be relied upon for anything. It’s purely casual. If you want that too then go right ahead. If you don’t, get out of there!
Work out what you want and how you want to be treated. Find out early on if they think the same as you about these things – you can find out a lot in general terms without actually asking if you are uncomfortable doing so. Listen to what they are telling you – be open to hearing it even if it’s not what you want to hear.
If you want a partner, don’t let yourself get emotionally invested before you know where you stand. If you do, you risk getting caught up in something that will cause you great pain. My mother used to tell me ‘don’t give your treasures away until you find out if they’re worthy’. She’s right.
Melody “Lil Mel”
Melody "Lil Mel" McGowan
Life Coach, Author, & Professional Advisor
Let Your Heart Heal Life Coaching
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